Svadhyaya: Tree Pose around the world

I just got back from Rocky Point, Mexico with a bunch of people from the yoga teacher training program. My class ended on Thursday, and Friday we left for Mexico. The second-to-last niyama, svadhyaya, which translates to self-study in English, has been a major focus of the YTT program, and this trip helped shed new light on it for me. In yoga, svadhyaya is one step before self surrender or surrender to the Divine. In law, self study is where we do all the prep work before walking into a hearing, a trial, a meeting, etc. and using that knowledge to be our best. For all of us, self study helps prepare us for whatever life throws our way. For me, the new understanding begins with vrksasana, tree pose, on a beach. 

I have decided that my business cards need to feature me doing tree pose in a suit. I want to show that yoga can be done anywhere, by anyone. Why tree pose? Well, I have a confession - it's my favorite. I know, I know, we are not supposed to have favorite postures, but I do. I love trees, love them. When people from CA move to AZ, they often say they miss the water. Me? I miss the trees. My favorite thing about MI in college was watching the trees turn colors, seeing and feeling the trees around me. This weekend by the water was awesome, but my heart belongs to trees. In yoga, tree pose symbolizes more than just a tree for me. It is a balance posture; it requires a balance between strength and flexibility; it symbolizes the balance between our connection to the Earth and our connection to the heavens as we reach up. And it can be done anywhere, even in a suit. But I digress . . . 

What does tree pose have to do with self study? On this trip to Mexico, everything! We did yoga on the beach, during the day and at night. There were people around, and sure, it was much different in the sand than on a sticky mat, but we did it. Then a friend and I got stuck at the border, for over an hour. Antsy and annoyed, she suggested we do yoga. Yep, right there in the street! It was awesome. I felt so much better afterward, and I had a blast doing it. I got another picture in tree pose. My friend came up with a great idea; I'm going to document my yoga through tree pose, wherever I am, whatever I am doing, just be a tree! Find that balance, that connection, everywhere. See how it feels in all sorts of situations. 

Doing yoga is much simpler on a mat or in an ashram. There are few distractions, and the set-up works. These are great places to learn how to do yoga, to learn to look inside, to start to find our balance, to become yogis. But all that study, including the self study, needs to leave the mat. I came to yoga to find some peace of mind one summer when my life looked like it was falling apart. Yoga started for me as a personal journey of discovery - how could I break free of all those restrictions? Yesterday, I was doing yoga in the middle of a street in Mexico! The day before I was doing yoga on a beach! All these years have helped me find that ease and peace in these situations. I try to live a yogic lifestyle, and I do asanas wherever I am, even walking down the hall at work (I'm working on doing tree in the hallway, but I'm not yet brave enough). And each of these moments is another way to study ourselves. We see our limitations, we break through some, and continue to work on others. But the more we turn inward, the more we practice, the easier it is to just live it. Not easy, but easier. Sure, the waves come in and knock us down, but we get better at getting back up and holding our own the next time.

What does tree pose at the border have to do with lawyers? Lawyers, as much as anyone, need to be able to go with the flow. At a moment's notice (or ruling) a case can change. A new piece of evidence can appear, and everything changes. The more solid the foundation, the less traumatic these new situations are. The more we have studied the case and the more confidence we have in ourselves, the easier it is to adjust when things change immediately. This does not, of course, apply only to lawyers. Whoever we are, the more we truly understand and can tap into our deepest selves, the better able we are to adapt to our new surroundings. It's a lot easier to do downward facing dog in the sand when you have done it 1000 times on a sticky mat. It's a lot easier to handle life's adventures when you know what life is like without them.

Sometimes we falter in these new situations, and that is okay, but sometimes you get sheer beauty . . .

May your own self study guide you through the waves of life.  

Namaste and Blessings!

Tapas

As much as I love little appetizer plates at Spanish restaurants, this post is not about them. Tapas, the third niyama, translates into many words in English: austerity, self-discipline, burning desire, motivation, and dedication. Ironically, this post has been one of the most difficult for me to write. I have been busy, again, but I have also been unsure how to put these thoughts on here. Over these past couple of weeks, my dedication to self has faltered, and it seemed a bit hypocritical to write about motivation and dedication when I felt so flat. But then I got back on the mat, I got back into work, and I got back into life. I got some tapas back.

I cannot think of a more salient teaching for lawyers. For all the drama displayed on television, being a lawyer is a self-motivated, and often lonely, profession. Being a lawyer can can mean being holed up in an office, working on files for people you see rarely, finding law on the internet, and digging through mountains of documents to find one that just might be relevant. From studying in law school to preparing for trial, being a lawyer takes self motivation.

But tapas is about more than self motivation and dedication. The word itself comes from the sanskrit tap, meaning fire or heat. Through our dedication, even austerity, we are motivated to turn inward and improve ourselves. Tapas is the niyama before self study, swadyhaya, so it prepares us to enter self study. We must have the dedication to get to that point. At first glance, motivation and austerity seem to be polar opposites. Austerity is defined as the state of being austere, which has several arguably gloomy definitions of its own: 1) "stern and cold in appearance or manner," 2) "morally strict," 3) "markedly simple or unadorned," and 4) "giving little or no scope for pleasure." (All references to the Merriam Webster Dictionary online.) But this is the problem with translation. Tapas means all these things because it reminds us that we may feel like we are giving something up, but in the end we are (hopefully) gaining from it. While austerity can have this negative connotation, it is really about clearing and freeing. We can live in this crazy world when we clear our clutter and concentrate on what really matters.

It can be really hard some days to remain motivated for yoga, to constantly come back to the mat, to the breath. There are days I do not want to do yoga. Those are probably the days I most need it. And when I do it day after day, bring myself to the mat, I bring the yoga into my life. When I forget about the mat, I forget about the yoga in my life. But coming back each day reignites that fire, clears away the feeling that I'm too tired, too sore, or have too much else to do.

Being a lawyer is no different. Many lawyers got into the business to do some good. And some days it can seem like the same old routine, one day after the next reviewing documents, writing motions, sitting in a windowless office. But then that hard work pays off - and I do not mean only financially. Some lawyers are lucky enough to change the world with new legal theories. But not everyone gets to participate in cases like Brown v. Board of Education and Roe v. Wade. Instead, lawyers help individuals, everyday. When we remember that, all the junk is cleared away, and the goal remains - be of service.

So tapas reminds us how to clear our minds of the distractions that keep us from our work, our practice. When that fire is lit, we can concentrate, and that is when the lawyer finds the "smoking gun" and the yogi gets into a handstand (still working on that one here). Merriam Webster just does not do tapas justice because it is not the ascetic life we seek, but one where we are not distracted and discouraged by that which surrounds us. Tapas reminds us that there is more to be found than what we see on the surface, and that is something we can take into every aspect of our lives.

So, here I am clearing away my distractions of the last few weeks. That fire has been lit again, and I'm so grateful to be able to be back on here, sharing a journey and learning from all of you. I have some big ideas in the works, and I cannot wait to share them, but that is for another day. I know that it will be the tapas that will guide me. 

How can you bring tapas into your life? What really matters for you? What do you need to clear away to find your internal fire? May that internal fire be lit for you, providing you with the motivation and dedication to find yourself at your best, whether in the law, on the mat, or wherever you are in your life. 

Namaste and Blessings!

Is your being content?

Santosha, the second niyama, means contentment. Contentment is different than happiness. It does not preclude happiness, but contentment is more a state of being than a state of mind. States of mind come and go (believe me, I go through hundreds of them per day). States of being, on the other hand, create space and a foundation for our everyday lives. A solid foundation gives us the space to accept all the states of mind and body that enter our lives without completely throwing us off kilter.

Santosha, for me, relates to beginner's mind because both create space for all possibilities to arise. Many judges like to hire new law clerks every year; many of them say it is because they like to have the fresh perspective. A newly-minted law school graduate is similar to the Psych 101 student who tries to diagnose everyone over Thanksgiving vacation. We have answers for everything, yet we truly know almost nothing about the law and how it works every day. That is our greatest strength (at least in my opinion), when we get past our gut reactions based on what we learned in law school. Socrates said that he knew absolutely nothing. He would have discussions with people, and from those discussions, his teachings arose. It was this clearing of the mind, acceptance that we cannot claim to truly know anything, that made him so great. His teachings remain the bedrocks of western civilization.

I had a slip-up recently where I thought I knew more than I did. I know a little bit more than nothing about certain things in the law (not many). At work, we were dealing with one of them. I got way ahead of myself, and sort of made myself look a bit dumb for having missed the obvious. So, I went back and read a little more, came back to beginner's mind, and the final product was far better than my gut reaction. But I had to go back to the beginning. Too often, lawyers become "experts" in a field and never go back to see what has changed. If we miss something early in our careers, it's gone forever. I'm never surprised when students representing clients change the legal landscape at the Supreme Court. Not only are they open to all the possibilities, but they have nothing to lose. That's the beginner's mind state of being, the reason judges like to have us around, even when we may ask very simple questions. We are open to either side being "right," so we look at both sides equally.

My first yoga teaching experience focused on foundations and new beginnings. Not only was I a beginner, but there were people in the class who had never before stepped on a yoga mat. There were also people in the class with longstanding yoga experience. I was actually more worried about them; would they think the class was too easy? Too simple? Too basic? Nope - they gave me great feedback, and it was because they were grateful to be able to be in that space again. We too often forget the basics and try to stick our legs behind our heads without grounding through the feet. That's when we hurt ourselves. Going back to the basics, back to our foundation, reminds us where we started.

So, what does all of this have to do with contentment? Should we be content never advancing? Sitting on our couch all day? Not necessarily. Contentment is that foundation. When our basic state of being is contentment, we can try new adventures, and if they do not meet our full expectations, we are still content, we still have our foundation. If our adventures go above and beyond our expectations, that feeling eventually wears off. If our foundational state of being is contentment, we protect ourselves from the sugar-like crash after our exciting high. Instead of expecting particular results in life, we are content with whatever happens. 

I had quite a reminder of this today. My garbage disposal broke again (this makes three times). I called and was promised that it would be fixed today. I got home, and it was not fixed. My first reaction was to be really, really upset. I went and talked to the the apartment manager who apologized profusely - she had put the wrong apartment number on the work order. Interestingly, the guy whose apartment number she wrote had the same garbage disposal issue. Go figure. I guess he needed it more than me. I remembered santosha, and while I'm still bummed that I cannot do my dishes because my sink is clogged, I know that in the grand scheme of life it does not matter. Plus, this was the result of a mistake - what if people did not understand when I make mistakes? I am, after all, a beginner, in law, in yoga teaching, in so many areas.

Santosha, as a teaching, provides us the same space and opportunities as beginner's mind. We strive to be our best, whatever that means, and we accept that whatever happens, happens. With that mindset, my first yoga teaching experience was great. I made mistakes, of course. But I had a great time, and from what people have said, they also enjoyed the class. So, whether I'm researching the law or teaching yoga, learning to focus on santosha, coming back to that state of being has helped calm my states of mind. By no means do I not get excited when "good" things happen, or upset when "bad" things happen. Instead, santosha helps us waver less and know that we can remain content, with an open mind to new possibilities, no matter what life throws at us. 

Wishing you all a feeling of santosha.

Namaste and Blessings!

Saucha - A pure personal path

Tomorrow I teach my first yoga class. I am excited and nervous and not sure what to expect. But one thing is for sure - tomorrow I must find my own voice. Tomorrow, my path takes root, and all of this study becomes personal. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and it is a perfect segue into beginning a discussion about the niyamas, the second limb of yoga.

The five yamas, which I have previously discussed, are a guide for how to interact with others. They are ahimsa (nonviolence), satya (truthfulness), asteya (non-stealing), bramacharya (moderation of the senses), and aparigraha (non-possessiveness). The niyamas, by contrast, are guideposts for how to interact with ourselves. The five niyamas are: aaucha (purity), santosha (contentment), tapas (austerity), svadhyaya (self-study), and ishvarapranidhana (self-surrender). 

Saucha means purity. We must be internally pure before going forward on the rest of the path. In Ayurvedic medicine (ancient Indian medicine), this means cleaning the insides of the body, including the nose (neti pot), the eyes, etc. These are daily rituals, providing physical purity prior to spiritual purity. The idea of purity being the first step to personal spirituality is not unique to yoga. Jewish women participate in a mikvah, a ritual bath, each month, and native american cultures use sweat lodges. But why is it so important?

Only when we are clean, both internally and externally, can we begin to move forward. It allows us to shed all the gunk that is stopping us from moving forward. It is why people do spring cleaning - at the time of rebirth, we crave cleaning out the old. Snakes and birds shed and molt in order to prepare for moving forward. And the great Phoenix literally burns to ashes and is reborn from them. There is no doubt in my mind that this shedding, this cleansing, this purification is vital to being able to take the next step, to move forward on the path. 

Spiritual purification also allows us to find our own path. For much of my life I have taken as gospel whatever people say (though I tend to be argumentative, I have a need to agree, be taught by those I believe are "more advanced" than I am). When I read a book, I agree with it. Why? Because it sounds right. When I read legal briefs and arguments, I often find both sides equally convincing. I am certainly able to determine which is "more right," but it is more agreeable to, well agree. When it comes to my teachers, whether as a child, in law school, in yoga, or just in life, I want to absorb all that they have to say. Without often questioning, I just accept, and when teachings conflict, I get confused. These past few years, but more powerfully these past few months, I have been questioning my teachers more and more. I have read and disagreed the first time through. I have pushed back with my own thoughts. And I have been lost and confused. It's scary to begin to disagree with your teachers. It's scary to not know which argument is right. The Buddha said that we should not believe him because he says so, but we should try out his teachings and decide for ourselves. 

I have finally begun to find my own path. What it took was clearing out the old gunk - in this case, other peoples' journeys and paths and ideas. I have learned from them, and will continue to learn from them, but they need not define me. At some point, I had to find my own way. This is, after all, the greatest thing about being a Westerner in the 21st century. We have access to literally thousands of paths, ideas, and ways of seeing the world. There is no forced dogma on how we must live our lives. Instead, we can take a little Jesus, mix him with some Buddha, and top it off with some Islam, all with the background of Judaism. Why not? We can learn from them all. This is both amazing and scary. What do we do with all the information we obtain? How do we reconcile it? This is where purity comes in.

We have to be pure and open in order to accept that which will make us strong and let go of that which makes us weak. A teaching may not speak to us, and that is okay. Our inner purity gives us the strength and courage to know how to do what is right for ourselves. The greatest example of this happened to me in a law firm. I was once asked to do something with which I did not agree for ethical reasons. I wrote a memo to the two most senior female partners at the firm telling them I could not finish the assignment as they had asked me to do it. I thought I could lose my job. Instead, they clarified, gave me more information, and everything worked out perfectly. Purity is important wherever you are - from a law firm to a yoga mat. Your own path, your own strength guide you in each moment of your life. 

Tomorrow's first class is the moment where I test that purity for the first time on the mat - sharing my story with others. I have to follow my own path. Tomorrow is the day I begin to share it more personally (as opposed to sitting in my living room writing about it). I am so grateful, everyday, for the amazing teachers who have helped get me here. I know that as I venture out, I will be coming back more and more. But these past few months have given me the strength to do the venturing, to find my own voice, and to begin to share it. This is just the beginning. Purification is a daily ritual. 

Thank you for being a part of the learning. Of course, I have learned more from your comments than anything I have written. Most importantly, I have been reminded that we are all in this together; we can help each other clear out the old gunk, throw ideas around, and find that which speaks most truly to us. Thank you.

Namaste and Blessings.

A community of energy

The energy of a room is powerful. How many times have you been in a great mood only to enter a room full of depressed people and your mood falters? How often have you been the person bringing people out of their gloominess by recognizing this pattern and sticking to your happy guns? There is no question that the energy around us affects us. The more we recognize it, the better we are able to use it to our advantage and protect ourselves when we feel too weak to stop the energy of others from invading our space.

 

A yoga class is a perfect example. On more than one occassion, I have been in a class where everyone, and I mean everyone, seems to be doing their asanas perfectly. By perfect, I do not mean that they look like the cover models on a Yoga Journal magazine, but the perfection emmanates from the heart. The word yoga teachers often use to describe this is "integrity." Everyone in the class is practicing with perfect integrity. In one class, I remember the teacher saying that because everyone was practicing with such integrity, even the person in class who had never practiced yoga before looked like she had been practicing forever. The class energy was strong. I have also been in classes where, try as they might, the teachers are unable to drag people out of their tired, sleepy state. It does not mean that there is less integrity, perhaps the integrity is stronger - everyone is listening to their bodies and not pushing beyond their means. In those situations, however, the teacher often slows the pace of the class to be in line with everyone's energy. 

 

I am a sucker for this energy. In a class this week, I felt stronger than I have in months, and my practice felt beautiful. Just last week, I was in a class where my practice, and that of those around me, felt off. There is no other way to describe it. Something was just not right. Each day is different, but we often forget that one of the reasons for that difference is our internal energy and the energy influencing us externally. That is a powerful on-the-mat yoga lesson to take into the world, especially in this age.

 

Among the various professionals, lawyers need to be extra mindful of this energetic influence. Lawyers, like doctors, need to be both empathetic as well as disconnected enough to see the entire picture. Lawyers on opposite "sides" need to zealously represent their own clients while maintaining a professional and respectful attitude toward each other. This means that lawyers are being influenced and pulled in at least two, but usually more directions, and without having the internal reserves necessary to stay centered, they can and often do become enveloped by external influences. It is so easy to get caught up in the client's story, for it to become the lawyer's story as well. In an adversarial system, the energy breeds conflict. 

Lawyers are by no means the only people affected by this energy balance. Since 9/11, the energy of fear has taken over, especially certain cable "news" programs. Each moment is full of energy shifting faster and faster and faster, and we are losing our ability to keep up, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But if we are influenced by energy even in a yoga class, what can we do about this? Are we destined to be without our own energy? Are we destined to be pulled and warped? I don't think so.

The reason the community of energy is so strong in a yoga class is because that is why we take yoga classes instead of practicing in our rooms, alone. The shared space reminds us that we influence others and can be influenced by them. Then, within that space, each person has his or her own practice. The influence is there, but each breath, each posture, comes from the individual student. When we are in tune, in balance with one another, the class works. When one or more people is doing something out of balance, everyone feels awkward.

Off the mat is no different, as long as we are conscious of the energies around us, as long as we recognize when we are being pulled down by others and when we are pulling down those around us, we can stay true to ourselves and hold our energy in a space that feels right both internally and externally. This can sometimes be the hardest thing to face. At some point, we have to stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own actions. Some days are easier than others, and on those days, we can help guide others to their integrity. Some days, we need people to drag us along, or better yet, to lift us up.

One week from today I teach my first yoga class, and for all the preparation I do, I know that everything will be dictated by the energy of the room. This week, however, I am going to be extra conscious of the energies surrounding me, from people to news to yoga classes to my own internal energy. As we all move faster and faster, I invite you all to stop, even if just for a moment, to evaluate how you are influencing, and being influenced by, the energy of that which is around you.

Namaste and Blessings.

For all the words . . .

I have written a lot on this blog, albeit not as frequently as I would like. For all the words, however, these past two weeks have been intense - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Before going into the discussion of the niyamas as I did for the yamas, I want to take a moment to recognize what may be the most important lesson in yoga, and the one that is potentially the most important for modern society, especially lawyers. For all the words we write and speak, for all our good intentions and beliefs, for all of our hard work, sometimes we get slapped in the face and kicked in the gut. Sometimes we fall out of postures, and sometimes even when we know that life has a funny way of working out, we freak out, and we fall. But just like on the mat, we can get right back into it.

These past few weeks have really tested my stress and anxiety levels. Between being extremely busy, worried about presentations, worried about work, and preparing to teach my first yoga classes, not to mention the regular stuff that comes up, life has been intense. And for all the years of meditating, qi gong, and asana, I have felt sick to my stomach, and I have not been sleeping well. But I have fallen out of asanas before. I have had bad weeks before. Tibetan Buddhist Meditation teaches that when a thought arises during meditation, you think to yourself, "thinking" and go back to the breath. There is no judgment about the thought; it is just a thought. Yoga is no different; when you fall out of an asana, there is no judgment. You just get back into it. But here is the best part - the more times you fall, and the more times you get back into it, the better the body remembers how to stay in the asana. Before long, you are doing that which you once thought impossible. Your words and practice become knowing and wisdom.

So, even on the tough days, the words have meaning. They help bring us back to the truth. Lawyers speak and write a lot of words. We are a profession defined by words. But what do we do with them? Do we use them as a means to an end? Are we careful about what we say and how we say it? Some days, we are better at living up to our words than others. We can prepare for a hearing, a trial, even a meeting with "the other side" until we are blue in the face, but when the moment arrives, we must let go and trust in our training and practice. For all the words, we must trust that all the falls along the way lead us to where we need to be.

This is nothing new. The difference with yoga is that instead of saying "when you fall off your horse, brush yourself off and get back on," yoga is the path that helps us know how to get back on. Each limb is another tool. So far, we have discussed the yamas on this blog - the first limb, the connection to others. Next up is the niyamas, the second limb. The niyamas are about connecting to ourselves, finding the peace within. Then we learn how to breathe with pranayama. Each tool helps us remember what to do when we fall, when everything seems so out of whack. The tools remind us that deep down the universe is working.

Today I went to two yoga classes, and after each of them I felt a little better, a little more at peace. And I'm starting to feel strong again, in asana, in pranayama, and those are reminders that the words are working. These thoughts that flow forth on this blog may not be the most profound writings on the planet, but they are reminders to me, and hopefully to you, that the junk that arises is just that, junk. The truth is deeper, and our words, whether about yoga, the law, our anger, our joy, our love, our pain, whatever, are the guides that keep us plugging along. 

After all, this is a practice. May your practice help guide your life to peace.

Namaste and blessings.

Aparigraha

Yes, it has been a long time again - life has been getting in the way of my practice, but there is no better yama to discuss this than Aparigraha, which means non-possessiveness or non-grasping. And I have had a lot of ideas on what I want to write for this post, but today the universe intervened again and a new idea was spawned. My dear friend from college, Anna, is a freelance writer and this week published her interview with a Russian poet. The poet was raised a musician but one day stopped writing music and started writing poetry. And I remembered my own story, the one that got me here - full of not grasping. So waiting led me to exactly where I need to be, though definitely not without some painful grasping and breakdowns to get in the way.

When I was young, I wanted to go to Stanford to play basketball (to those of you on my teams, you know this was never going to happen, but I can dream, right?). It was not until I was in 8th grade and drumming on the basketballs that I realized music was the path for me. My freshman year in high school, I signed up for basketball tryouts but never went to them - instead I took 3 band classes my senior year and spent more time with my band teacher than my parents. After being rejected from music school, I found my way to a small liberal arts school located inside the University of Michigan. I continued to play music but only in Marching Band and the non-music major Pops Orchestra. I fell in love with traveling through those years and absorbed the world, spending a total of 13 months living in France, and I decided to go to law school because my dad and my band teacher thought I would make a good child advocate.

I did two things in law school: study and yoga. I had learned about yoga prior to law school, but there is no better time to practice than when you are hunched over books surrounded by the law all day. I started going more often. But that pull to yoga was in direct contrast to the life I was beginning to live in school. I remember telling people that I had never made a major life decision on my own. I went to the University of Michigan because my family went there (it was my choice, but it was not a difficult one), I went to France to teach because I was accepted, I went to law school because people said I would be good at the law. In law school, however, I found myself stuck. I did fairly well academically, so doors should have been open, but the job market and my distaste for life at a law firm (for me, not for others) meant those doors were being slammed in my face instead. I took the rejections personally, thought I had made a hugely wrong decision, and wondered how I was ever going to get out from under a mountain of debt while working at Starbucks. I literally did not know what to do, until I let go. 

I was blessed with what I consider the best opportunity upon graduating from law school. I clerked for the Presiding Family Court Judge in Pima County, who was transferred to be the Presiding Juvenile Court Judge while I was working for her. I saw the nitty-gritty of the family and juvenile courts. I met attorneys practicing in the area where I want to practice, and I saw what worked and what can still be improved. In short, I found my path. And that job literally fell in my lap. I had been rejected from job after job, and my resume suggested that should not have happened. But the universe had different plans. I found out about the job with my first boss from about five different people, including a friend of hers, one of my professors, career services, the Dean of the law school, and even the judge herself. The universe was right, as usual, and it was an amazing year. My current job, while not quite as universe-driven, is still right where I need to be. It allows me to see the entire legal process and how the law operates in the absence of face-to-face contact. I have a new appreciation for the law as law, and a fresh understanding of where my future legal career will take me.

Perhaps most interestingly, my current job has given me the opportunity to drum on basketballs again, but this time moving away from music and towards yoga. I have been saying for years that I miss playing music, and I do. When I moved to Phoenix in August, I decided that I was going to do a Yoga Teacher Training Program. Classes are Tuesday and Thursday evenings. The first week I was working, one of the other judges sent out an email that the orchestra with which he plays was looking for percussionists. Rehearsals are Tuesday evenings. I fretted for about 2 minutes. I saw myself drumming on basketballs and knew that the Universe was speaking to me again. I chose yoga, without regret. Might I seek out an opportunity to play percussion again? Of course. But I had to stop grasping onto that past. And it was then that I realized that I really never have made a decision in my life. I know the answer when I let go and listen. The only times I have been distraught about what to do are the times when I try to decide against what my heart says, when I allow societal norms to dictate my decisions, when I grasp onto a particular outcome instead of allowing my life to unfold. This job and that decision have allowed me to be in a place where I see how important it is to me to integrate law and yoga in my life. These are not either-or decisions - I know that they must coexist.

On the mat, I have learned also to grasp less. As I mentioned in my New Year's post, many yogis have a tendency to grasp with their toes in postures. But when we let go of that, sink into postures, and feel the strength, support, and energy of the Earth below, we truly find the pose. Not grasping is, however, different than no direction and not using your feet in a pose. Quite the opposite. The feet are the foundation in standing postures. Direction is how we ensure that our lives are fulfilling our passions. Not grasping is about trusting. You trust your feet enough that you don't hold on with your toes. You will not fall. And if you do, you will catch yourself. You can stop trying to dictate the outcome of the universe and open up to the possibilities knowing that if you are following your passion, the doors will never cease to open. I used to be scared to death that I would not find a job, and I would be crushed by law school debt. But now I know that somehow life will work out. The average lawyer changes jobs 5 times in his career, and most lawyers change jobs at least once within 5 years of law school graduation. We are not a profession designed to hold onto our past. The law changes, society changes, and we move along.  

I have no idea how I will integrate my passion for helping children in the legal context with my passion for yoga. I know that one catalyst to becoming a teacher was my desire to teach yoga in a Juvenile Detention Center, but that is only one way. I know I will find others. In class this week, we talked about how you can teach yoga and keep your day job. One of the most uplifting statistics I read during this recession is that enrollment in both Yoga Teacher Training programs and attendance at yoga studios is up. Yes, that expensive habit called yoga is attracting more and more people each day. People are willing to take the plunge, step off the known path and into one that might be a bit scary, but it is full of possibility. As I wait to hear about whether I will get to go to New Zealand on a Fulbright scholarship, and I wonder what I will do for money once my job ends in August, I am no longer having the freak out sessions I had my second and third years in law school. I am here for a reason.

Of course, some days my toes grasp the mat a little too tightly, I forget about the mountain of support I have in the world, and I worry that August will roll around, and I will find myself jobless and in debt. This is why yoga and the law are a practice. These yamas are a bridge, and each new job is also a step along the practice of law. Interestingly, what makes lawyers ethically competent is the ability to read and learn. We never know the answers, we just continue to get as many tools in the toolbox and trust our instincts and our colleagues to do what is right.

Namaste and Blessings.