My travels have finally stopped for a bit, and I have found
a few yoga classes I like. It feels good to be getting back into the groove of
a more “normal” life. By normal, I mostly mean that I stay at home on the
weekends and can actually do some errands. It also means I can start attending
yoga classes more regularly. My daily practice has, once again, become daily, and it
feels wonderful. But there is something differently wonderful about attending a
class. Sometimes they are not everything I hope they will be, but sometimes
they hit me just where I need. This Sunday’s class was one such class.
The teacher started class by reminding us that we hold
emotions in our bodies. She said, and I am paraphrasing to the best of my
memory, “Each traumatic experience we have is stored in our body, and it can
come back to us at any moment.” Think muscle memory and brain patterns. The
body literally holds onto experiences until we let them go. Of course, this is
just as true for joyful memories as it is for traumatic ones. People have been
known to laugh or cry hysterically in yoga “for no reason.” The reason,
however, is the body remembering the occasion and bringing it back to the
surface.
This is something I think about all the time on my own (some
would, perhaps, say too often). In the class, however, we went together into
the pain we hold in our bodies. The teacher asked us to face the fear we hold
in our bodies. Generally, the only classes I attend where we consciously go
deep into long-held postures and really confront the body’s depths are
restorative and yin classes. I love both those types of classes. In Sunday’s
class, however, we held Warrior 1 and Triangle for long periods. We did not
hold them for five minutes, but we definitely held them for longer than is
generally typical.
While I certainly have my own hip / low-back issues to
address, I found myself thinking throughout class about my clients. With the
reminder that every traumatic experience we have is stored in our body’s muscle
memory, my mind turned to my clients who, by definition, have experienced some
sense of trauma, and many of them have experienced a significant amount of it. My
clients range in age from 17 days to 17 years. All of them have trauma.
And then my mind turned to the lawyers with whom I work, and
the rest of the people who work within the legal system generally, whether
lawyers, staff, social workers, psychologists. More and more people recently
have become aware of the concept known as Secondary Shock or Vicarious Trauma,
in which people in helping professions experience the trauma of their clients
vicariously through them. The only difference is that when trauma is
experienced secondhand, we do not always recognize it for what it is. The body
can tell no difference, but our minds, for whatever reason, think there is one.
I asked myself what I can do to help these people who hold
so much in their bodies and have no idea. My mind wandered to my infant clients
born into this world in even more trauma than typical of birth (birth, of
course, being a traumatic experience for everyone). It then wandered to my
clients who have chosen life on the streets because, as they say in their own
words, they don’t know any different.
Of course, this blog is the step I took to try to bring
awareness to these issues. I do not see this being my only confrontation of
this topic on this blog. It is not only important; it is vital that we learn about it and talk about it. But what about
today? What about the people who have no internet access or the people who know
nothing about yoga. I take my yoga-ness with me everywhere, on some level. I
have talked to clients and others about breathing and walking away at times.
But then I remember the trauma. I remember all they have
experienced. All I can do in those moments is hope, pray, and believe that the
human spirit and consciousness is greater than the sum of its parts, and that
everyone and anyone is capable of overcoming anything they have experienced in
life.
I have said before that I believe yoga is for everyone. It
does not take a particular level of fitness, calm, flexibility, or even time.
It does, however, take a desire to start. Sometimes living life through a yoga
lens means seeing all the people who have not yet seen its beauty. I do not
think yoga is the answer for everyone, but I wish more people were able to find
their answer.
Where do you notice the tension being stored? Have you ever
experienced unannounced emotion in a yoga class?
Namaste!
©
Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved.
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