One of the reasons I think lawyers are so affected by
vicarious trauma, perhaps more than other helping professions, is because being
a lawyer is a lonely endeavor. Law school, unlike business school, is a place
to be alone. There are no group projects. There is little collaboration. If
anything, there is an intense sense of competition among classmates. After all,
class rank defines our future, we are told. We are asked, nay required,
to hide our emotions and think “rationally.” We have duties of confidentiality
that prohibit us from debriefing our difficult situations, as do many other helping professions. Even if we could
talk to someone, who has the time?
Vicarious trauma rears its head when we pull away from our
social net and turn inward. Humans are social animals, and we need one another
for survival, but when trauma takes over, the pull is away from that safety.
Rationally it makes no sense, but the outside world becomes too difficult when
we are living in a state of vicarious trauma. So we do the one thing we
absolutely should not do – we pull away, deeper into that loneliness.
Should we only look out for one another when the pull away is so strong someone commits malpractice? Part of the reason I wanted to create this blog was to bring people together to
have discussions. As of today, that has not happened. I have met some very
interesting people, but the discussions among other strangers do not appear to
be happening. But there is another way to connect. We can reconnect with those
we already know.
Look around at your coworkers. Look around at opposing
counsel. Look around at the other people with whom you interact. Who is acting
differently? Who is pulling away? Who yelled at you this week for no apparent
reason? Who has not returned your calls? Who made a snarky comment as you
walked out the door?
That person may not be so terrible. That person may need
your help.
What if our Code of Professional Responsibility included a
duty to reach out a helping hand? What if our Code included a duty to bring
each other back before we become just another statistic about how awful the
legal profession is? Would that not serve all of us, and our clients, better
than waiting until the conduct becomes so reprehensible that we have to report
it to the State Bar?
Vicarious trauma is made worse by the fact that we have to
hear traumatic event after traumatic event without ever processing the trauma
ourselves. Instead, we have to look at the person talking about their awful
experience and try to rationally find a way to deal with it. We cannot react to
the trauma. We simply have to listen, express no emotion, and move on. Or worse, we have to be the ones to tell people that it is not as bad as they think. Usually
we move on to more trauma.
We need to be able to process it. We need to be able to talk
about it. And this is where someone else comes in. This is where our duty to
one another becomes so important. We need to debrief. And we need to do it
together. And we need to do it before these experiences become true vicarious
trauma.
So, look around you again. Imagine your interactions over
the past week. Who may need your helping hand? To whom do you owe a duty of
reaching out? And are you the one who needs the helping hand? Reach out to a
friend. Ask for the support you know you need. Let us take on this duty to each
other today rather than make the dreaded phone call to the Bar tomorrow.
Have you ever reached out with a helping hand? Have you ever
asked a friend for help when you needed it?
Namaste!
"Our Duty to One Another" is part of the series, "Overcoming Crisis Mode," in which we discuss the second-hand trauma associated with being a lawyer and specific ways to overcome it.
©
Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved.