A Mindfulness Reminder

Ever hear someone being described as someone who cannot walk and chew gum at the same time? It’s often used as a punch line or to describe someone who simply cannot do two things at once. For some reason, this is considered problematic to many. After all, multitasking is not just useful; these days, it is necessary, right?

Perhaps not!

There are more and more studies coming out telling us that multitasking just means we are doing multiple tasks less well than if we paid attention to any one of them fully. We like to think we can seamlessly jump from one task to another, from facebook to email to twitter and back again. The truth, however, is that no matter how adept we think we are at it, our brains simply do not function that way.

Ironically, the more we multitask, the more difficult it actually becomes to jump between tasks. It is only when we learn to truly quiet the mind that our brains learn to use the quiet between tasks to stop and refocus. The more practiced we are at quiet, the quicker we can jump back and forth. But then, the more we jump back and forth, the more difficult it becomes to quiet the mind.

See a cycle? It’s a perfect example of the yoga bucket -- the ability to use practice from the past for a little while before it becomes depleted and we need to refill. But no matter how full or empty the yoga bucket, attempting to do too many tasks at once eventually catches up with us. 

Friday I got that wake-up call.

Last Monday, my office moved. We moved from the 19^th story in a downtown building to the 3^rd floor of a building closer to the court where we usually work. This meant two things: 1) less time wasted driving back and forth to court, and 2) I could take the stairs instead of an elevator. I was ecstatic about both.

These past few weeks have been incredibly busy, and last week was no exception especially with the added stressors of the move. By the time Friday rolled around, I was tired. I was slightly overwhelmed. I was running to court, down the stairs I could now use, and I was checking my email on my cell phone. It was a disaster waiting to happen.

And it did.

In all my rushing and attempting to do so many things at once, I tripped on the last stair, and I rolled my ankle badly enough to sprain it. Luckily, I work with some amazing people who took immaculate care of me, and I work with other lawyers who shared their sympathies (and then told me to come up with a better story).

People were supportive, but the lesson was there: Slow down, pay attentions, be mindful!

We all get our wake-up calls different ways. Generally speaking, they come as physical injuries doing routine activities (like mine), dis-eases, hopefully something like a cold or the flu, but sometimes much worse, and even life events that shake us to our core. But the message is always the same – we need to be more mindful of our daily lives and our personal wellbeing.

As I sit here (ok, lie here with my foot elevated) with my second sprained ankle in less than two years (the other one ironically happening during the Mindful Lawyer Conference), I’m wondering what it will take for all of us to get this message. I know I am not the only person trying to walk and check my email. Some people add eating and talking on the phone to that list as well. We live in a world where being "able" to multitask is a resume booster. We live in a world where time walking is wasted, so we better use it to do some work.

I feel that this post is my public service message. So often on this blog, I have suggested just stopping and taking a conscious breath. But this time, I am going to suggest you do that at the least opportune moment you think you have. At that moment when you are doing 4 different things at once, stop and ask yourself which one is the most important and focus on that. And yes, the most important thing at that moment might be walking or driving.

And if you cannot decide which is the most important, stop and take another breath. When all of the external world seems so overwhelming that choosing between options feels impossible, that is the sign that the breath is vital. It will slow us down, bring us back to the present, and remind us that if we are going to have any hope of actually finishing what we want to finish, sometimes stopping for a moment is the only way to get there. Maybe these reminders will be an opportunity to be grateful for the people who cannot walk and chew gum at the same time. Rather than a punch line, they should be our teachers.

What do you notice yourself trying to do all at the same time? Has it landed you with any disasters?

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved.

When We Dehumanize Ourselves

The last post discussed what happens to us when we dehumanize other people. This post is going to focus on how often we choose to dehumanize ourselves. There are a couple of reasons I chose to write them in this order even though so much of this blog has focused on the need to care for ourselves first and foremost. After all, as I was reminded at the MindfulLawyer Conference, “the heart pumps blood to itself first.”

I chose to write about dehumanizing others first because honestly, it has been more in my face, so to speak. Daily I have witnessed people who ostensibly care deeply about others speaking in awful ways about people because of those peoples’ actions. But then I realized that we can only begin to dehumanize others when we have learned to do it to ourselves just like we can only truly care about others once we have learned to care for ourselves.

So, why do we dehumanize ourselves? It is a coping mechanism. It allows us to not endure the full impact of the emotional world in which we find ourselves. On many levels this is necessary. At the most recent conference I attended this past weekend, a lawyer stood up in the room and said his job is to be a lawyer, not his client’s bff (and yes, he said b-f-f). And he is right; we need to step off the emotional roller coaster that clients (or friends and family) want us to ride.

But it can also cause us pain. When we dehumanize ourselves and turn off our emotional centers, we train ourselves to do just that. When we tune out the pain, we are also training ourselves to tune out the joy and happiness. We are creating new samskaras, or patterns, of how to interact with people. This time, however, they are about tuning people out, so we can protect ourselves.

It can be scary to meet your clients, or anyone, where they are emotionally. It means being vulnerable. It means sometimes feeling their pain. But it also means that we remember how to emotionally connect to ourselves as well. Bringing ourselves back to this state of humanization reminds us how to humanize others. It helps us empathize with them and not be dull to their pain.

At the end of the day, we are all in this world together. Thus, dehumanizing ourselves and dehumanizing others are, in many ways, the same. They are defenses to protect us for recognizing that people we think are awful are also human, and to protect ourselves from feeling the pain that others experience. But these mechanisms also keep us apart from people and ourselves. We are less able to experience joy and happiness, less able to laugh, and less able to fully experience all that life has to offer.

There are certainly days where tuning out is necessary. But when we make it a practice, we only bring long-term harm to ourselves. I cannot claim to be an expert in dealing with this. My new job forces me to confront this not on a daily basis, but on an hourly one. But what I have realized, in this job and before, is that when we choose to separate consciously, we can consciously return, as long as sometimes we are willing to go to the place of connection, even when painful. I notice my life start to become a crazy mess when I tune out and dehumanize myself without realizing it. When I finally do realize that I have done it, I realize how difficult it is to come back to a place of joy. But the realization helps, and each time it gets easier. It is about creating the patterns of humanization.

Do you notice when you do this? What do you do about it?

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved.

A Future for Others

Today is my 30^th birthday.

Generally speaking, I give no thought to birthdays. I have nothing against them, nor do I particularly care about having a special day. They are, however, a good time to stop and reflect about where we are in life, a time we have to reflect personally rather than big changes we share with others, e.g., graduations, new jobs, etc. Additionally, there are several reasons why this birthday stands out for me. 

First, I am one of the few people I know who is excited to turn 30. I think I was ready to be 30 when I was about 10, so I finally feel my age. It is also happening as I begin a new job and the first one that could be a career if I wanted it to be. It is also a decade birthday, in which we tend to think back on the past decade and reflect. 

My first thought upon reflection was, “what happened to a decade?!?!?!” After getting over the initial shock of realizing that it was ten years ago, not ten weeks ago, that I was living in a dorm at the University of Michigan, I have had some time to really think about what I have done this past decade and what I hope to do over the next one.

Briefly, my twenties went as follows: college, during which I studied abroad in France; teaching English in France; law school; learning to do yoga; working at the Pima County Superior Court; working at the Arizona Court of Appeals; becoming a yoga teacher; and getting an LLM in New Zealand. Of course there are other things, but those are the big highlights. I am struck by two things based upon that list: 1) I have been incredibly blessed, and 2) I have been fairly focused on myself.

Our society has a negative view of focusing too much on yourself. People who focus only on themselves can be seen as selfish and egotistical. One of the most difficult lessons, therefore, for me to learn from yoga was that we must take care of ourselves before we can be of service to others. We must feel secure in our own skins before trying to exist in this world, and we need to fill our own reserves, or we will have nothing left to offer others. As someone once said to me, "the heart pumps blood to itself first."

It was a difficult lesson to learn, but there is no question that I have spent a decade doing just that. All my travels, combined with the yoga, have taught me so much about who I am, what I value, and how I want to move forward. At times I felt too selfish, but deep down I knew I was preparing for something bigger and better. Interestingly, I ended up just where everyone seemed to think I would end up, but now I know I have done it on purpose rather than because someone said I should.

But what does this mean for the next ten years? It means that it is time to turn my focus to the external. This does not mean I plan to stop meditating, practicing, or even traveling; in fact those remain necessary for this next step. But it also means that it is time to use those reserves and all that information for the world. To be totally honest, I am a bit embarrassed by the list of my twenties. I feel like I could have done so much more for other people. But I also know that I can sit with people who have had to call the police on their own children or with drug addicts who have neglected their own children and feel sympathy and compassion without feeling like I have to run for my life. Some days are, of course, easier than others, but hopefully my ten years of selfish can lead to a decade of paying it forward.

And so I make this pledge in public. We all know that the best way to fulfill a promise is to ensure you are held accountable, and the best way to do that is to make it public.

Thirty seems so young and so quick, but also like a turning point. I have been incredibly blessed and have learned many lessons along the way. I know that going forward there will be days I choose myself over others, but I pledge to do it consciously and do it in order to ensure that I can be at my best when others need me. Perhaps this is one of the best ways yoga and the law intersect. It is through yoga that we strengthen our reserves to be of service to our clients and the world. 

Thank you all for sharing this journey with me, for supporting me, and for holding me accountable. I hope this blog can be a piece of my living for others. I hope it provides you with some insights and ideas about yourselves and the world in which we live, and most especially about how to take the time for yourself to be at your best at all times. Many thanks, and hopefully many more celebrations together.

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved.

Breathing through Resistance

After all the blogging about the Mindful Lawyer conference, and then a full week of work, it is time to turn back to the blog and back to the series on koshas.  We started with an overview of the koshas and a look at how BKS Iyengar started his practice in his physical body, and then we moved onto the breath body. I am going to stay here for today because the breath can continue to teach us, and I heard a great quote at the conference that is ultimately relevant to the breath and its connection to the rest of our being.

 At the conference, one of the presenters presented on the connection of mindfulness and psychology. She said that one of her teachers likens suffering to a mathematical equation. Suffering = pain * resistance. Thus, if your pain is 10 units, and you resist it by 10 units, your suffering is 100 units. So, what happens when your pain is 10 units and you do not resist it? A common answer is 10 (especially at the conference), but that is because we did not all pay attention in basic arithmetic; the actual answer is 0. Any number multiplied by 0 is 0. Thus, when we are fully able to stop resisting, our suffering (not our pain) is reduced to nothing.

Yeah, right! That sounds lovely in theory, but how do we get there? Pain hurts, whether it is physical, emotional, spiritual, or some other form. So, how do we let go of our resistance to that pain in order to feel less, and ultimately no, suffering? We breathe!

I was a walking, alright limping, example of this phenomenon over the weekend and as I write this post. On Friday at the conference, I was a little less than mindful, and while carrying a large box down the stairs, I stumbled and sprained my ankle. The presentation about resistance and suffering was Saturday morning, and to be fair, I was in pain, not a lot, but it hurt to walk. Of course, during the presentation, and throughout the weekend, my focus was on my ankle. Each time it stung, I breathed. Did all the pain go away? No, of course not. But a lot of it did, and I noticed that as I got upset about it, the pain got worse. When I laughed about it, breathed through it, and tried not to resist it, the pain decreased.

So, how does this affect us as lawyers and people in this stressed-out world? We always have our breath. We always get to choose how whether we react or respond to events in our lives. In law, as in life, sometimes situations do not go our way. Sometimes, we even take it personally, especially in our life. The breath reminds us that we need not resist those moments.

Pain, in all its forms, is a reminder that something is out of balance. The pain itself is not bad, just a reminder.  Emotionally, pain reminds us that we care, and we truly are all connected to one another. Physically, pain reminds us to slow down.  What we do with that pain is our choice. The yogis have told us that when each of our koshas is in balance, we are in balance. Thus, the breath helps bring us back to that balance in each of our other koshas. It reminds us that nothing is permanent, even pain. So, taking the energy out of the pain by not resisting it is like taking the oxygen away from the fire. Without the fuel, it eventually burns out on its own. The breath helps us let that happen quicker, safer, and with control. From there, we can move forward and come back to a place of balance, in our lives as well as our koshas.

Namaste.

© 2010 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved.

What to take away

So, what did I learn over three days at the Mindful Lawyer Conference? I have been writing about it for a few days now, but I want to put it all into perspective. First, it was incredible to be in a space with that many contemplative lawyers - a space where we could discuss meditation and yoga as normal parts of life. Wow!

What did we discuss on the third day? We discussed what a mindful practice looks like for lawyers and how we take this forward. A theme I saw and heard repeated time and time again is that holding the space in your work for a mindful and contemplative practice changes the reactions of co-counsel, opposing counsel, and clients. This is not surprising. Going back to neuroscience for a moment, all the research into mirror neurons is that this is exactly what we should expect to happen. Our actions influence those around us.

The other underlying theme was that mindfulness allows us to see the whole picture. Even as lawyers who must zealously advocate for our clients, we are able to see that the other party has a story, and that story is true for that person. What we do with that story is determined by the circumstances, but holding that the story is true for that other party is more than half of the battle. Personally, my interest in the law has focused on children and divorce. The research from Australia and New Zealand is that children benefit just from being part of the process, even if they do not have the final say in what happens (actually, more often than not, especially if they do not have the final say). A mindful practice allows lawyers to give everyone the opportunity to have their say, to be involved, and then the act of lawyering, in whatever form, may continue. Perhaps it does not always happen, but the possibility is there, and we as a community are moving in that direction.

But there is something more, and it was mentioned in various discussions throughout the conference. Mindfulness puts us in touch with compassion in new ways. Compassion and interconnectedness. The law, especially in the United States, is focused on individual rights. This was absolutely necessary in the 18th century when our constitution was written. And in the sphere of individual rights, the United States has done a really great job. It is far, far from perfect, but this country was the major catalyst for human rights around the world for 200 years.

Today, however, we need to take the next step. We need to move to interconnectedness - to each other, but also to the Earth and the Universe. One of the presenters, Linda Sheehan, put it very cogently when discussing her work as an environmental lawyer - we need to start talking about the Earth’s rights, not just humans’ rights to use the Earth. When we recognize this interconnectedness, we will know we have taken the next step. Personally, I think that if we do not take this step, the legal profession will destroy itself. The world must move toward more connection, and while individual rights remain important, they are merely a step to a greater understanding of our interconnectedness. Being with this group for three days, my hope was sparked that we truly can begin to take that next step in the legal profession.

For my part, I hope to use what I learn in New Zealand next year as a way to bring a more holistic environment to family and juvenile law. Yes, my interest over these past few years has broadened to include the more difficult situation of juvenile law along with family law. What I wish I had gained more of at this conference are practical steps I can take. I know that continuing my practice, and hopefully continuing this blog, will be a huge piece of the puzzle, but what can I do to physically change the legal environment? What structures must we change? How can we do it? So, I leave this weekend more connected and excited about the possibilities, but with few practical ways to make a difference today.

Luckily, our end session was about how to stay in touch, how to grow the community even greater. If you were not at the conference and want to become involved in this community, contact me, and I will put you in touch with those in charge. As the movement grows, we can make change together. Thank you for a wonderful, wonderful weekend, and I look forward to more to come.

Namaste and Blessings.

© 2010 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved.

Infusing the Profession

If I can come up with one theme for yesterday - the second day of the conference - it would be that mindful lawyering has moved from the periphery to the core of the legal profession. Professor Rhonda Magee called it an infusion, moving from the margins to the center, but I was trained by an anusara yoga teacher and periphery to core is one of “our” phrases. It all means the same thing. Thank you, Professor Magee, for pointing it out.

But as we learned early in the day from Dr. Phillipe Goldin and Dr. Shauna Shapiro, mindfulness and contemplative practices have infused all professions. I am going to focus on the the neuroscience again because that inspired me so much at AFCC, and it just fascinates me to no end. Certainly, anyone who has some sort of contemplative practice, whatever it is (religious, secular, even “just” exercise) knows that the contemplative practice changes you. But seeing how the brain responds through Dr. Gorldin’s photos and explanations, hearing about mirror neurons, and knowing that this is truly the cutting edge of science, makes me almost giddy.

Last time I wrote about this, I was overcome with happiness tat I could finally “prove” to lawyers that contemplative practices help. After all, because of mirror neurons, we know that if we stay calm in a room, others will follow our lead unconsciously. But I think it is bigger than that. What we (ok, I am not studying this, but the proverbial we) are seeing in the brain is that we really are all connected. What I see from all of this research is that our brains are vastly bigger than our consciousness. In much the same way as I have come to truly appreciate the body (more on that from this conference later), i have come to appreciate all that the brain can teach us.

I want to see this information from all directions. When I practice, I feel it, I know it. In fact, I have known much of this my entire life, though I thought I was crazy. Then I got the words from yoga to talk about it with other practitioners and people who understand energy. But I cannot tell you what it feels like to be dumbstruck at the front of a yoga class telling people to feel their feet, which are not on the floor, reaching as though they are standing or to energetically reach from one finger, through the chest, out the other finger. The neuroscience and psychological research being done is giving us new language, new directions, to explain this information. More importantly, according to the brain research, the more neural pathways we use, the stronger they become, and we can more easily overcome old habits. In other words, we, as practitioners, are giving ourselves, and yes, our brains, a new understanding.

So, I loved, loved, loved, these presentations on neuroscience and psychology. I also attended the plenary on education initiatives, Jack Kornfield’s talk, and the concurrent session on whether these practices are religious or secular. I have spoken before how I feel about that issue  (teachings used to be secret and today are accessible to all), and the information from the education workshop will have to wait for another day. But so far, this conference is going great!

Namaste and Blessings.

© 2010 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved.

Be the change . . .

We all know that Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I think this Mindful Lawyer Conference is a perfect example of that notion. Yesterday, the conference began, and the pre-conference mini-retreat was a 3-hour meditation, with some instruction, some silence, and some discussion. It set the conference tone - one of community and togetherness through paths other than the head/mind. Sitting there, I felt alive. I also felt a wave of emotion; wow, this is really happening, and there are other lawyers out there interested in the same ideas and ways of being as me - AND we are here together. I dare not say “all here” because I know there was quite a waiting list, and some people could not attend who I know would have loved to be here.

The plenary session last night involved an inspirational statement from the Dean of the UC Berkeley Law School (Boalt). He does not meditate (I do not think), but he understands the power of what this conference is about. His words were of gratitude for us utilizing his space and doing the work that we are doing. It was such a delight to hear that from the Dean of a top-tier law school. I know there are many others who believe as he does, but it is always such a pleasure to hear.

Norman Fischer, a renowned Zen Buddhist meditation teacher, spoke to us as did Charles Halpern, the man who began CUNY law school, focusing on public interest work, and brought the mindfulness class to Boalt. The piece that struck me the deepest was the discussion about the need for this in the legal profession. Mindfulness means many things, but one definition is being fully present with yourself so you learn to be fully present with others. At the dessert reception, I spoke with a fellow volunteer (a Boalt student), and she said that, for her, it all boils down to compassion and empathy. I could not agree more. Even the Dalai Lama says that his religion is compassion.

There was a time when meditation and yoga traditions were secret, passed from guru to student, in ashrams in the mountains. Many leaders, including BKS Iyengar and the Dalai Lama, however, realized that the world will not survive if these teachings do not reach the general public. The world is in such a state of disarray that, even if we cannot do these practices “perfectly” we must do them. We must connect, or we will destroy ourselves. So, as the speakers talked about the need for us to come together, and one of the members of the planning committee, Rhonda Magee, talked about the need for people of diverse and unique backgrounds to celebrate together, I felt a twinge of pride and love. These are the deepest teachings, and we are all in this together.

The rest of the conference is about the nitty-gritty of techniques and changes being utilized by lawyers, judges, and academics. I am excited to learn the techniques, the ways to implement these practices in my life and my work, but the opening plenary was about all of us making a commitment just to “be” at the conference. We were asked to use our cell phones away from each other, or not at all and to eat lunch close by the conference to facilitate discussion. In other words, we were asked to be the change we want to see - a community learning from each other mindfully and together.

I’m off to teach the morning yoga class (which should be fun - I sprained my ankle yesterday). Do not forget to follow the conference on Twitter at #mlc10.

Namaste and Blessings.

© 2010, Rebecca Stahl all rights reserved.

Oh Irony . . .

I remember my very last law school exam. I arrived early, sat up front (yep, I was that student) and was chatting with my classmates. In just over three hours, law school would be over. The professor walked in, and I asked her how she was doing. Her response - “I had nightmares about this exam last night.” I had slept like a baby. Are not students supposed to be the ones having nightmares?

Well, I had my nightmare last night - about missing the beginning of the Mindful Lawyer Conference. The irony is almost embarrassing. But I think there is a reason.

I was a student for 19 years. Exams, while never easy, make sense. I know the routine. I know what to expect. While I have attended numerous conferences, even law conferences, this is the first Mindful Lawyer conference. I’m excited and a bit nervous. When I entered law school, I thought I was so different. Today, just over five years later, there is a community of like-minded individuals. This is super exciting, and no, I’m not going to be late. In fact, I’m going to arrive hours early, but mostly because I love walking around the University of Berkeley campus. The trees and the energy rejuvenate me every time, even on rainy days like today.

So what is happening at this conference? Like all conferences, there are plenary sessions and break-out sessions, but this one is interspersed with 30-minute meditation sessions. Tomorrow morning, there are optional yoga and qi gong sessions (I’m honored and excited to be teaching the yoga class). And after it is all over, there is a closing ceremony to honor our time together. I often say that yoga is different because it is about intention. You can stretch and move, but when you move with intention, act with intention, breathe with intention, you are doing yoga. I get that impression from this conference. We are coming together with an intention - to create this new community.

At this juncture of my study and my life, I am extremely excited to learn more about the intersection of mindfulness and neuroscience. I began learning about neuroscience at the AFCC conference in June. It has become a new semi-obsession. As a recent law school graduate, I am glad to see the focus on mindfulness in academia. These programs are popping up all over the country, attempting to bring mindfulness to the legal profession from the very beginning. I could not be more excited.

As promised, I will continue to blog about this conference and the sessions I have not yet mentioned. Do not forget to follow us on Twitter at #mlc10. For a list of other blogs focusing on this conference, click here.

Hopefully, there will come a time in the legal profession that mindfulness will not spark anxiety for me, but instead the community I have been longing to find, in whatever form it takes. After all, this is where I make my first impression in this community of professionals that have bravely set the path for young lawyers like me to feel comfortable as mindful lawyers. For that, I am forever grateful and a bit nervous to show my face, but the excitement far exceeds any nervousness, my unconscious visions aside.  Thank you for being part of this community with me. Your support has been invaluable.

Namaste and Blessings.

© 2010, Rebecca Stahl all rights reserved.

Getting Ready for a New Community

I am currently in the San Francisco Bay Area getting ready for the first ever Mindful Lawyer Conference to be held October 29-31. These jam-packed three days are full of mindfulness meditation practices and studies for law students, lawyers, and judges. Almost exactly one year ago today (missed my one year anniversary on October 24 - also my mommy’s birthday) I started writing this blog. I was striving to unite the duality in my life between yoga and the law, feeling a bit like an outsider in each.

In the past year, I have become a yoga teacher, started teaching Stress Management workshops for lawyers that focus on meditation and yoga, and I have been accepted as a Fulbright Scholar to study family law in New Zealand. Recently, I was asked to determine, for myself, why I do what I do - what inspires me. The answer is simple: I want to help provide people the tools they need to learn to help themselves. From family law to yoga to meditation, that is my driving force.

What does all of this have to do with the conference? Community is what provides the best inspiration. I felt pretty alone in law school. Sure, there were other people interested in yoga, but many of them used it just for exercise. At the yoga studio, I have met some lawyers, but for some reason, we did not connect professionally. But then I started writing this blog, and the universe provided me the connections. This conference feels like the culmination of that to me.

I have written before about the powerful inspiration that occurs in conferences. At the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts conference, I did not sleep, but I never felt more alive because of the power created by the community. The AFCC mid-year conference is this weekend, but I knew I had to connect to a new crowd, one that would help me feel connected and fully fulfilled in all areas of my life by attending the Mindful Lawyer Conference. So, I will continue to blog about it, continue to give updates about it. I am volunteering and teaching a morning yoga class. I am so excited to be a part of this growing community, and I cannot wait to share it with all of you.

Namaste and Blessings.

© 2010, Rebecca Stahl all rights reserved.