Most Difficult for Us

I told someone the other day that prior to going to New Zealand, I used to teach Stress Management for Lawyers (and other professionals) workshops. I sort of laughed considering how difficult stress management has been for me recently. He very kindly said, “we are often drawn to that which is most difficult for us.” How right he is. My response to him was, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

There is no question that growing up I was full of stress. I first went to a chiropractor for intense neck pain when I was 15. I could barely move my neck at the time. College was sort of ridiculous for me when it came to stress, but that is also when I discovered yoga.

But my yoga bucket takes a lot to fill. The summer I was studying for the bar exam, I did two things – study and yoga. I was at yoga classes 4-5 times per week. It helped, and I think yoga was the only thing that got me through three days of the California bar exam, which feels like more of a marathon exercise than an actual examination of your understanding of legal material. But it required that amount of yoga just to keep me somewhat sane, and I am sure if you ask the people around me, they thought I was still a stress bucket. (Of course, they did not see everyone else studying with me.)

But some of us are patterned to be high anxiety. We could argue ad nauseam about whether it is our biology or our environment, but whichever it is, it goes deep into our bones. I think the legal profession attracts these types of people. We thrive on stress, and we understand it. But it takes its toll, and as a society we are learning that we have to counteract it, or we are going to kill ourselves. 

This blog is full of tools to do at the desk and more reminders to breathe than we know what to do with. But all of that is for naught if we do not actually do it. It is easy to know what we have to do. It is quite another story to step up and actually do it, especially when society tells us we should be “working” not managing stress. Even with the societal changes happening toward more understanding and acceptance of yoga and other stress management techniques, there is still the underlying assumption that those activities are not work, regardless of how good, and necessary, they are for us.

I found yoga because I needed it. I was at a point in my life where I knew I had to make some changes. Luckily for me, this realization happened when I was 19 years old. It was many more years, however, before yoga became an everyday part of my life. But when push comes to shove, the underlying patterns of stress return, and the yoga bucket empties fast.

But that is exactly what drew me to yoga in the first place. That is exactly what drew me to teaching yoga and teaching workshops. Staying in the yoga zone is difficult. I know what it is like to revert to the stress and all its underlying issues. Getting out of that mindset is never easy; it exists in our cells and our samskaras (patterns). It becomes our default even when we know how harmful it can be.

Teaching yoga forced me to do more yoga. It allowed me to start this blog and put my yoga practice front and center in my life. It allowed me to be honst about yoga even within the legal profession, something I was nervous about doing until I realized I am not, by any means, the only one. Plus, knowing how hard it was for me for years to reduce my stress, I knew I needed to do something drastic to ensure I would actually follow through.

But even that was not a panacea. There were moments, days, and even weeks of stress. I knew I had missed the mark when I told someone to breathe, and my colleague said, “look who’s talking” with a wee tone of sarcasm in her voice. But I may be the perfect proof of what happens when we ignore those lessons we know we need to learn. There could be any number of reasons I had a herniated disc, including the many times I have fallen down. But there is no question stress had something to do with it, and that stress is internal (a post for another day).

I know how powerful yoga, in all its forms, can be. But I also know that we have to follow through. And that can be extremely difficult at times. But perhaps the greatest lesson of these past few months is that there is no end point. Yoga is not something with a pass or fail. You are not graded on it. No one except you is keeping score. So even when it is extremely difficult, you can set the intention to start anew tomorrow. Better yet, you can set the intention to start anew right now. Yoga is about presence, no matter how difficult, and being present is one antidote to all the stress, anxiety, etc. that permeates so much of our lives today.

So, why was I drawn to yoga all those years ago? It was the answer to something that has always been extremely difficult for me. But with anything in life, that relief ebbs and flows. And so I share this post as a way to reach out and say that the best way to learn is to teach someone else. And sometimes the most important lessons are the ones most difficult for us to learn.

Do you have moments when you feel like you walk the yoga path? Do you have moments when you take a step to the side? Do you have moments where you feel like you cannot even see the path anymore? What do you do?

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2013, all rights reserved.

What is Yoga?

I have been asking myself this question a lot recently. What exactly is yoga, and why is it beneficial to lawyers or anyone? Linda has a great post on the topic here. People talk about the eight limbs of yoga from Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras. These include the yamas, the niyamas, asana, and pranayama, which are all issues that have directly been discussed on this blog. But the other four limbs are Pratyahara (withdrawal of the senses), Dharana (concentration), Dhyana (meditation or contemplation), and Samadhi (state of ecstasy).

In America, it is fairly obvious that when the general population thinks about yoga, they think only about asana, or the physical postures. A few more might think of pranayama, or breathing techniques. But the western world is full of all sorts of yoga. There are different “styles” from Iyengar to Bikram and vinyasa to yin, but all of these are actually forms of hatha yoga. There are also classes that mix yoga and wine as well as yoga and “fill in the blank.” There are kinds of yoga such as bhakti yoga, which is devotional yoga, and In other words, yoga has become an industry in the western world.

But I keep thinking about the question – what is yoga? What is it to me? What is it that I can share? And more importantly, so what?! Does it matter if we can define yoga? Lawyers like definitions, especially if they are Supreme Court Justices. But do we really need this particular definition? Might it actually infringe upon the underlying meaning or purpose of a yoga practice?

I have been teaching a weekly yoga class in the Juvenile Detention center. The attendees are all court staff and lawyers who work in the court. (As an aside, there are also yoga classes for the juveniles in detention, but I do not have the privilege to teach those.) It is an “odd” location for a yoga class, and it is really too short for a full class, and the students range from beginners to people with consistent practices. And yet, the class has come together to be something incredibly special. It is a place where, for me, this blog becomes palpable. It is a place where we can see how yoga enters our daily lives.

But all sorts of questions arise as well. Do people only come for asana? Can I add a bit of pranayama? Do people want exercise? Do they want to relax from stress?  Do they want to hear about the yamas and niyamas? Do people want to spend their lunch hour in a seated meditation? So what is yoga in that situation?

And I am coming to the conclusion that, no matter the situation, the answer remains the same. Yoga is a personal experience. It is the 8 limbs and how they ebb and flow within our being. There was a long time when I saw a need to have more of a physical practice to go deeper into meditation. These days, my physical practice is limited to psoas stretches, but I am meditating 20-60 minutes per day. Even amidst the craziness of life, there are moments of yoga awareness, though they remain few and far between.

Thus, yoga is about how we show up for ourselves and others. Of course there are differences between Bikram and yin yoga, but we can bring the same sense of awareness to each. I have a lot of concerns about Bikram yoga, and I know someone who loves it (many people, actually, but this one in particular) who also has amazing body awareness. I said to this person once, “but with that heat, can’t you overstretch a muscle and hurt yourself?” The answer, “not me.” While there are, of course, people who show up and have no idea how to protect themselves, others can do the practice safely and with awareness.

And that is yoga.

Yoga, therefore, is the full package. It is a way of life, but it is also an intention to live our moments as though we are on the mat or the cushion. While there are days I try to meditate in a courtroom, most of the time it is really difficult to do. I also would love to sit in sukhasana (cross legged) in the chairs at court, but I have not figured out how to do that yet. But the inner awareness can be there. All we gain from being on the mat can carry into our lives.

And that is why yoga is useful for lawyers and others in this crazy, modern world. The world is moving ever faster. We are connected to a degree never before experienced by humans. We are advancing faster and faster. It is so easy to get caught up in all of it, to lose sight of any way forward, and to forget who we are at our core. But yoga brings us back to that. It helps remind us why we do what we do. It helps us slow down long enough to remember to offer a little gratitude.

The yoga industry can manifest these visions however it wants. In the past it has annoyed me, and to some extent it still does. But that has also forced me to ask myself over and over again – why yoga? What is it? And so what?

And while I do not have a Justice Scalia worthy definition, I think I have finally found an answer (for this week) that helps me understand why I keep with it and why this has been such a wonderful path for me. Yoga is a personal journey to go into the depths of ourselves and our interactions with each other to emerge with a path and intention for life. This journey is in all the planes of life, physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. At times it asks us to move, and at other times it asks us to sit in silent awareness. And at the end of the day, it helps us find our Being ready to emerge and share with the world even if there are a few (or many) bumps along the way.

What is yoga to you? Why do you practice? How does it help you in your daily life?

Namaste!

 © Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved.

What Makes a True Path?

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” – Buddha

I read a lot of yoga blogs, probably too many. I live in my head, and yoga blogs are a way to think intellectually about what I “should” be practicing. One of the blogs I read most frequently is “linda’s yoga journey.” One of the issues she often discusses is how to be on a “real” yoga path. I usually find myself nodding along to her posts, thinking, “she is totally right., the way yoga has hit mainstream America is barely recognizable as yoga. ‘Real’ yoga is something different.” And then I realize I am the person she is describing, the one talking the talk but not always walking the walk.

I do not make time for an asana practice everyday. I do not make time for a meditation practice everyday. My meditation practice is often in my car. Most days I take a few moments to sit in the morning, and I attend classes on the weekends, but my practice is not as structured as it could be. I can come up with all sorts of excuses as to why this is, but excuses are not the point of this post.

There is no question that my path is to find a way to bring yoga into daily living. Whether that means asana “At the Desk,” meditations in the car, or even ways to recognize and overcome vicarious trauma, yoga is not something we can only practice in the Himalayan peaks. It has to be something we can bring to daily living. But that means less time for the actual deepening of the practice. Sure, we can go on yoga retreats and fill our yoga buckets, but how do we bring these practices into daily life?

As the Buddha says in the quote above, “We ourselves must walk the path.” There is no substitute for practice. But how can we balance the need for practice with the need to get up in the morning and go about our daily living? That path is not for everyone, but for those of us who know our path is to find the balance, how do we do that?

On days I do not make time to practice, I feel guilty. That’s not very yogic, now is it? But on days I take the time to practice, I feel different. The sense of calm lasts a little bit longer. The ability to respond rather than react is a little bit larger. Those moments come more often the more time spent in practice. But too much time spent in practice means the unread materials pile up and the deadlines get missed. And of course that causes stress and anxiety of its own.

But the path can be both. I know it can. The true path is learning to listen. Through yoga, we learn to listen to what we need. We eventually learn to understand it as well. Some days, doing the work that is piling up at the office is more yogic. It clears the space around us giving us a space for clear thinking. Some days, no matter how high that pile has become, we need to turn to the mat. Those are the days that no matter how much we try to tackle the pile, unless we take some time away from it, there is no way we can do it. Sound familiar?

But that still leaves the aching question – is this a “true” path? Is the only true way to bring yoga into our lives to make time to practice every single day at the same time? When the guilt is rising high, my answer to this is sometimes yes. But the rest of the time, the time when I take the time to reflect, I realize the answer is no.

A true path is in the intention we bring to it. Where is the heart? And are we willing to walk the path ourselves? Are we willing to bring our entire soul to it? When we have the intention, we can miss our mark sometimes, but we always know we can return. We always remember that we can come back to the path waiting within us.

And it is that intention that we bring to our daily lives. I still get upset with people. I still lose my temper. I still feel anxiety. But underneath those moments is a little voice reminding me it need not be that way. And in those moments, sometimes my breath returns, and I laugh at the situation. And sometimes it does not, and I leave disgruntled and guilty. And after a decade of this practice, countless hours in meditation and on the mat, and countless hours reading yoga blogs about different paths, something has finally clicked.

Those moments are the true path. All of them. When our paths are between the modern world and the yoga mountains, finding the bridge is the path. And we are going to have many, many moments on both sides of that bridge. But with the intention to continuously come back, we are on a true path . . . even if we miss a day or two on the mat. It may not look like a traditional yoga path, but it is what allows us to be true to our own hearts. 

How does your path look? Where is your intention? 

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved. 

Starting Fresh for Forgiveness

When I was a child, I was forced to miss school twice a year when my non-Jewish friends went to school (unless, of course, the holidays fell on weekends). And yes, even in elementary school, I hated missing school. Think what you want about me, I can take it. Those two days were Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Rosh Hashanah literally means the head of the year. It’s the new year for Jews. Yom Kippur is the day of atonement, the day we ask for forgiveness for all we have done "wrong" during the year.

As a child, I dutifully went to synagogue every year. Ok, usually I was dragged by my parents, but still, I went. I cared almost nothing about the holidays. Ironically, over the years I have stopped taking these days off from work, but they have begun to mean a lot more to me. I will be working all day today, and I will not be going to services, but the new year has me thinking, especially as it is tied to the day of atonement.

On December 31, everyone talks about resolutions. These are thoughts and ideas about how we are going to better ourselves going forward. It is a very personal endeavor, rarely focused on our place in the world. But the Jewish holidays being together like this are really something different. And it is my yoga practice that has connected me to this difference. The act of asking forgiveness is difficult. Instead of asking us to take a look at what we may like to change about ourselves and then heading out to a party, asking forgiveness requires us to take a look at how our being affects others around us. Some years this is easier than others.

Yoga, similarly, asks us to look at how our actions affect others. The Yamas and Niyamas, the first two limbs of the 8-limb yoga path, are rules for living. The yamas, specifically, address our interactions with others. They are: ahimsa (non-violence), Satya (truthfulness), Asteya (non-stealing), Brachmacharya (just read the link – no succinct explanation), and Aparigraha (non-grasping). As a kid, all I heard was the need to ask for forgiveness for anything I had done to hurt another. A noble endeavor, for sure, but a little tough to grasp at times. Yoga has given me the tools to self reflect enough to examine what that truly means and to reach out with specificity to those I have hurt.

The days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are, in some ways, somber. They are days of reflection, days of meditation, days to think long and hard about how our past year has gone. But first, we recognize the new year! There is something beautiful in the order. Before stepping into that somber world, we remember that no matter what we have done in the past, we can start fresh and renew. This is a new year, and the period of reflection is truly a chance to determine where we need to ask for forgiveness and a chance to move forward from that. 

It is also a chance to forgive others. The new year is a reminder that whatever they may have done to us in the past can be changed going forward. That is a refreshing thought. We need not hold on, another yoga lesson that is sometimes easier said than done. The time on the mat is a chance to reflect. It is a chance to turn inward and notice all the subtle ways we have missed the mark on where we wanted to be. 

But it is also the opportunity to let go, to see all that is new in the world. It is a chance to open our hearts to the possibilities of the year ahead remembering that we may make mistakes along the way, but also remembering that we can both forgive and ask forgiveness. We can also learn to preempt the need. We can set an intention to refrain from sending the nasty email (asking for a tone check from a friend helps). We can refrain from making disingenuous remarks about others. We can refrain from reacting through anger rather than thoughtful reflection.

What I have come to love about the Jewish New Year is that, like a yoga practice, it is both deeply personal and community oriented. The reflection is deep, but the need to engage others through forgiveness brings us together. It is somber reflection but also a chance to come together and celebrate the newness, not only of the new year, but also of the clean slate produced through forgiveness.  

I may be at work today, but these are the lessons my yoga practice has taught me about all those days I had to miss school as a kid!

And don’t forget the apples and honey! May your year be sweet and full of peace, light, and love.

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved. 

Navigating Out: Overcoming Vicarious Trauma

The last post was a bit of doom and gloom. I apologize. I wanted to write this post the very next day, so the doom and gloom would not last too long. This post is, therefore, the opposite – tools for overcoming vicarious trauma. Not surprisingly, a few of them, ok a lot of them, have graced these posts before, and many of them are related to yoga in some way.

Once again, vicarious trauma stems from experiencing other peoples’ trauma day-in and day-out, without the ability to come down from the physiological response. That physiological response is the fight-or-flight response caused by increased cortisol and adrenaline with the added benefit of the hyperarousal associated with PTSD. Thus, the ways to overcome vicarious trauma include ways to release those hormones and ways to create boundaries in ourselves to decrease the effect the repeated trauma has on us.

The first step, of course, is the intention to move beyond the stronghold it has on our lives.

The number one way to reduce adrenaline and cortisol in the body is to get oxygen to the brain. As discussed before, one symptom of vicarious trauma and long-term stress is shallow, quick breathing. The opposite is, of course, deep and slow breaths. Therefore, one of the simplest and most effective ways to calm the physiological response is deep breathing - calm and cool breathing. Here is a link to all the posts here that have discussed breath (including this one).  The other way to get oxygen into the brain is through aerobic exercise. We all know how good exercise is for us, but some people still do not know how effective it is for overcoming stress responses and even vicarious trauma. It is great! Take a walk. Go for a run! Go swimming! Just make sure to get the heart rate up and oxygen into the brain.

And while we are on the topic of “what your doctor would tell you to do even if you were not overly stressed and suffering from vicarious trauma,” we can talk about diet. I try to keep discussions about diet off this blog. People who know me in “real life” are tired of me talking about food, but here it is very important. What is the last thing people who live off adrenaline and cortisol need in their diets? Stimulants! What is in every office breakroom? Coffee and sugar – stimulants!

I drink too much coffee. I try not to eat sugar. But when I feel my body getting tired and overrun, the need for both kicks in. I know they will only make the problem worse, but the body craves energy when we refuse it the rest and calm it deserves. But remember that when the body is in fight-or-flight mode, digestion is the first thing to shut down. Even reducing the coffee and sugar intake can help the body relax, especially if you reduce them in the afternoons and evenings. Instead, try for some fresh fruit, vegetables, or nuts. Nuts have fat the brain needs to function, and when we provide the body with complete nutrition, the cravings diminish. They may not go away, but nuts, whole grains, fruit, and vegetables will keep the body moving without the constant need for stimulants.

The next step is balance and boundaries. One of the indicators of someone who will suffer from vicarious trauma is a lack of boundaries. We take work home with us. We take peoples’ problems home with us. Setting up boundaries to give work its time will open up space for our own personal time. And that leads to the rest of the steps.

It is vitally important to have hobbies. I know someone who has been working with children and families for almost 30 years, and guess what she talks about most? Her craft projects. As a mentor, she teaches many of us young lawyers to have a hobby. She calls it therapy. And she is absolutely right! What do you love to do? Is it knitting? Gardening? Running? Going to the movies? Going out to eat? Reading? Playing video games? Going to a religious or spiritual place? Yoga? Whatever it is, follow Nike’s advice – just do it!

And enjoy your activities with a friend. Humans are social creatures. Again, we would not be here as a species if not for our social interactions. We need them. We crave them. And the surest sign that vicarious trauma has overtaken your life is when you start pushing away the people you love. So bring them back. They may be a bit upset about your recent irritability, but let them know you need their help. Let them know you want them around you for something fun. And make a promise – do not talk about the trauma. At least not at the beginning. Just have fun! Do what you love! And do it with someone you love!

There are other steps and stages and ideas. But these are the big ones. Oxygenate the brain, decrease the stimulants in the body, increase boundaries and social interactions, and find something you love to do and do it. But try not to do them all at once. Pick one. Right now. Before you close this page. Are you going to take a 15-minute walk each day with a friend? Are you going to drink one less cup of coffee? Are you going to start doing photography again? Are you going to sit and breathe for five minutes each day?

Do you intend to overcome vicarious trauma? What are you going to do to start the upward spiral?

"Navigating Out: Overcoming Vicarious Trauma" is part of the series, "Overcoming Crisis Mode," in which we discuss the second-hand trauma associated with being a lawyer and specific ways to overcome it.

© Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved.

Coming Home to Yoga and the Law

I have been back in the United States exactly six months today. That is more than half as long as I was in New Zealand. This past week, however, was the first time I truly felt like I was back at home. It was, once again, where law and yoga mixed for me. It was the annual Association of Family and Conciliation Courts conference. This conference has always been my inspiration in law, but two years ago it became the first place I taught yoga after my teacher training had ended. Teaching yoga there this year was a coming home of sorts - a reminder of why yoga and law are so interconnected in my world.

I have written often about the power of conferences. I cannot say it enough. I love them. I love the energy, the community, the learning, the discussion, and the connections. This year, I talked to people from the United States, Canada, South Africa, Australia, Israel, and New Zealand, and there were people from many other countries with whom I simply failed to engage (there were 1300 people at the conference). I learned about topics as diverse as attachment theory and mediation guidelines. I presented a workshop about my thesis. And I taught yoga.

About the only thing I did not do was sleep . . . but more on that in another post.

Two years ago when I taught yoga at this same conference, I had to teach one day in a suit. I was meeting a judge for breakfast immediately following yoga, and it was the day I was presenting, so I had to look nice. The point I made to everyone there was that yoga can be done anywhere. At the time, that was my symbol of the interconnectedness of yoga and the law in my life. This year, I did not have to be in a suit, but we were on the bottom floor, in the back corner, on the other side of the hotel from the rest of the conference. The first part of the practice was staying calm finding the room, but the rest of the practice was a reminder to me. This year, the interconnectedness was about coming home to who I am, and honestly, the reason this blog exists at all. 

Once we all gathered together, we had a family. We practiced together and then shared the conference.  For me, that is the entire point. Each morning, we set an intention. I offered one for the class each day, and I hope each person set their own as well. The final day’s intention was to open our hearts and take all we had learned over the past few days back to our own communities. It was about taking the home we had created at the conference to the homes in which we live each and every day.

For me, the intentions did not end in the yoga class. They permeated the entire conference. They continue to permeate my reentry into lawyering. For me, this is why I practice yoga in the morning. I have gone to evening classes, and I enjoy them, but rarely, if ever, do I practice on my own in the evenings. The mornings are an opportunity to set an intention for the day and for our lives. They are about coming home to ourselves before setting out for the day.

This conference was a reminder of all of that, a reminder of the power created when yoga and law intersect. Together, they can inspire each other, and together they can help each be reinvented. The inspiration and the rejuvenation of a conference, complete with yoga, cannot be beat.

Yoga at a conference is the moment when, for me, life makes the most sense. I got my legal professional start through AFCC, and I love the organization and the people involved in it. As I mentioned above, it is also the first place I taught yoga. These two aspects of who I am began with AFCC, and coming back to them this year helped me understand that once again. The people in AFCC are friends and colleagues, and their presence and brilliance inspire me daily. This is a moment of gratitude to the people who made this past week possible. Not only were their ideas amazing, but teaching yoga is something I have missed doing. It was great to be back and great to share it. I was reminded how important it is to me.

Thank you for the homecoming AFCC. Until next time . . . 

Where do you go when you need rejuvenation? Does your profession rejuvenate you? How do you incorporate yoga into that process? Is there something missing from your life you know would help bring you home?

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved.

A New Beginning

Welcome to 2012! I am still a bit in shock that this year has arrived. It feels like only yesterday I was writing a post about my intention (rather than resolution) to stay open to all the possibilities New Zealand held in store. Now, back in the United States, it is time to reflect on that and set a new intention for 2012, a new chapter for sure.

I wrote in the 2011 New Year’s post about not knowing where I would be living 5 days after arriving in New Zealand. I ended up being invited to stay where I lived the first four nights, and that home turned into a friendship and eventually a house-sitting opportunity. I tell this story not because it matters to anyone where I lived while in New Zealand, but it perfectly illustrates what being open to new possibilities brings into life. It brings us opportunities we never imagined possible, but that open doors to places the universe wants us to go. My 10.5 months in New Zealand was opportunity after opportunity like that. 

For me, 2012 is full of new adventures, the most obvious, of course, being the new job. As I mentioned in the first post about the new job, I have no idea how this is going to go. The first week was rough, really rough, but it was only the first week. Going forward, however, seems scary and unknowable, and not in the exciting way that was the new possibilities of a new country, especially one as beautiful as New Zealand. But there is a different kind of excitement and opportunity that comes with doing the work I have been preparing to do for nearly half of my life.

So this year’s intention is to trust myself. It was difficult to even type that. It was difficult to trust myself enough to think it possible to trust myself going forward.

But this is where the practice, the yoga, becomes the most important. For years, I have been growing the yoga bucket, filling it with tools that can hopefully work when it really matters. The real test is not whether we can practice when the going is easy. The real test is not whether we can meditate at a retreat or on a mountain top away from life. The real question is whether we can remember to respond rather than react when we feel like life is beating us over the head with a baseball bat. It is in those moments that it is most necessary to have a full yoga bucket.

And as we learn to live in a state of composure in the most difficult circumstances, we learn to trust ourselves. In many ways, learning to trust ourselves is learning to be open to internal possibilities rather than external possibilities. Rather than trusting the external world to present opportunities, we trust ourselves to know what needs to be done. So, I guess this year's intention is not so different from last year's, but the focus, the nexus is slightly different. 

For me, yoga has made trusting myself (and the universe) easier, but certainly not easy. Prior to leaving New Zealand, I had started a daily meditation practice. It was just ten minutes per day, but I can feel a huge difference having let it slide these past three weeks. That is part of my necessary yoga bucket, the refill I need to go inside enough to trust myself. So, while I do not want to make a resolution to meditate every day, I put forward this intention: to trust myself and the path I am on. I'm going to stay open to trusting the universe to present the how. 

What is your intention for this new year? Happy 2012! May the year be full of love and peace.

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2011, all rights reserved. 

“But I like my job”

There are a lot of blog posts around that focus on ex-lawyers turned . . . whatever; there are even many blogs (e.g., here, here, and here) dedicated to the theme. This is not one of those blogs. While I personally believe that anyone who hates a job should leave that job, regardless of debt, etc., this blog is not about doing something instead of law. I think those people are awesome, and incredibly inspirational, but here I have tried to focus on bringing sanity to the legal profession and to life in general. If I have learned one thing in the last 11 years - during which I moved from California to Michigan to France (twice) to Arizona and then to New Zealand - it is that we cannot run away from ourselves. We can only learn to live each day in a way that works for us.

Although I have clerked for two judges and now I am getting my LLM, and have, therefore, never practiced law except in a law school clinic or as a contract attorney, I actually consider myself a lawyer – more and more every day. Like many lawyers, I have felt the need to apologize for my profession, sheepishly look at the floor when I tell people I am a lawyer, and it just gets worse when I tell people I do family law. It is usually at that moment I want to crawl into a cave. I am always quick to say, “I really want to work with children, and I also teach yoga.” So, on top of living to expect and prepare for disasters, we must often defend our choice of profession. I can understand why so many people want to leave, and for them it is probably the correct decision. But what do you do if you want to stay?

We have many options, but I want to discuss two. First, we can get angry and defensive. This is, after all, what our legal training would expect of us. We are trained to be adversarial . . . at least to an extent. We can continue to do our work because it is what we have chosen to do and apologize for ourselves and our profession when we interact with non-lawyers. How many times have you heard, “you are the only lawyer I have ever met that I liked?” Yes, it is easy to get defensive and angry with how people see the profession. Yes, it is easy to react.

But what if we, instead, chose to respond? What if we took a step back and prepared an answer to this situation? What if we answered it intentionally? Just yesterday I was talking to a friend about what makes yoga different, what I have learned more than anything from it; I have learned to act intentionally. Thus, if we intentionally choose to remain lawyers amidst the loud and growing anti-lawyer discussion from both inside and outside the profession, we can intentionally decide how to explain that decision.

Instead of looking sheepish, we can say, “I am a lawyer.” What I have found is that some people will actually think it is wonderful. But the others will remain, the ones who cannot believe that you, a seemingly kind person, are a lawyer. To them, we can intentionally explain what it is we do. We help people in their disasters. We navigate systems that they cannot navigate alone. My thesis research had me looking at what it is lawyers do, how we define law, and what sort of roles lawyers should have. What I have found is that when we really start examining our work, people are proud of this profession.

As with yoga, when we get intentional, we can be in control. We need not be controlled by the reaction people have to the legal profession. We need not feel that we have to explain to those who have left the profession why we choose to stay. All we need to do is be intentional and honest. And yes, it is even okay if you enjoy your work as a lawyer and want to tell the world why that it.

If you have chosen to leave law, why did you choose to leave? If you have chosen to stay, what keeps you in? There is no shame in either approach. And if you are not a lawyer, and never were, the choice to be intentional about what we do is important. As Confucius said, "If you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life." 

© 2011 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved

License to Fidget

Have I mentioned how much I hate chairs? Seemingly unassuming, these flat ledges for our bums on top of four little legs are one of the most toxic additions to modern society. And yes, most lawyers (including me) spend hours upon hours per day sitting in them.

The problems are numerous – they tighten our psoas muscles, creating low back pain, they cut off circulation to our feet, and they force us to be in a position that nature never intended, certainly not for the number of hours per day we are there. But these are small potatoes compared to their allowing us to spend our days completely inactive.

The last post was about the bouncing foot syndrome that permeates law. The problem with the bouncing foot syndrome is that it is often caused by stress, and it is done usually unconsciously. Certainly, it is something about which we should be mindful, but is it all bad?

The NY Times reminded me again this week, however, that the bouncing foot syndrome serves another purpose, one that is far less problematic and is actually probably very good for us. When we bounce, we move, and when we move, good things happen in our bodies from a reduced waistline to increased brain power. Chairs mean we enter the physiology of inactivity (an old NY Times article on the topic), where our metabolism slows down, our neurons turn off, and disease begins to take over.

The good news is that the littlest movements make a difference. A recent study found that the difference between slim people and obese people who were forced to follow a strict diet without exercise was that the slim people just move more in general – the little movements, including tying shoes, and yes, bouncing feet. These little movement contract muscles and move neurons, and they help prevent the disease and other problems associated with the physiology of inactivity.

So what does yoga have to do with it? The difference between the bouncing foot “syndrome” and movement to counteract the physiology of inactivity is the very basis of yoga – mindfulness. To the outside observer, there may not be a difference. You, while sitting in a chair, can make these small movements, and others will not know whether they are stress-induced or mindful attempts to reduce the problems associated with our sedentary lifestyles.

To you, however, the difference is huge! It is also not discussed in either of the NY Times articles above. When we act from a place of mindfulness, asking our bodies to move, we are actually in the process of managing our stress rather than being controlled by it. Much of our stress is caused by the sedentary lifestyle, by the demands that we associate with sitting in a chair in front of a computer all day; we associate the desk with work and deadlines and stress. But if instead of allowing that stress to control us, we choose to control it, we can begin to move beyond the stress.

What can you do? Start by taking a breath. Ask yourself where your body wants to move. Is contracting your toes enough? Is tapping your foot enough? Is rolling your shoulders enough? Is standing up and sitting down enough? Do you need to take a walk down the hall? What does your body need now? The good news is that most of these little movements can be done while working at a desk, and each one will aid in counteracting the slowdown of metabolism and the stress caused by sitting all day long.

Call it your license to fidget – but to fidget mindfully.

Namaste. 

© 2011 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved

Pulling Community Together

A year ago, I posted about community and how we cannot do life alone. My year, therefore, was full of finding and building community, especially in the legal profession. From fellow family law professionals (lawyers, mediators, judges, mental health people, etc.) to other mindful lawyers, to professional women across the spectrum of professions, this year has been about growing and building a network of people with whom I connect on various levels. Professionally and personally, I feel more fulfilled as a result. As I said in the post a year ago, lawyers are really good at going it alone - I preferred law school to business school because there were no group projects (and less math, but whatever), but we learn that it takes a community to really do the work we need to do.


So after a year of community building and engaging with a wide variety of people, I am about to leave to go to the other side of the world where I have almost no community. Although it seems that everyone I know seems to know someone in New Zealand, and I know a few people down there, and Fulbright has an amazing alumni association, it is going to be different. Once again, I will be alone, at least at the beginning, starting from scratch, trying to create a new network of people in my life both personally and professionally.


This is actually the third time I have had the opportunity to live abroad. The other two times I lived in France, once as a student, and the second time as an English teaching assistant. Without going into the details and making this the longest post ever, both periods abroad helped me create new communities. It is even harder to “go it alone” when you barely speak the language where you are.


It used to be easier to never grow your community. Barely 100 years ago, even cars were barely used. Today, our community can grow instantaneously, through social networking, and we can see anyone in the world face-to-face through video chat or video conferencing. But we can still do it all from the comfort of our own offices. We can still go to networking events with at least one friend. It is human nature to want to feel safe and part of the community you already know. We would not have survived as a species had we been too open to meeting others; they could have killed our clan.


But today, the opposite is true. We are going to kill ourselves if we do not expand our communities, see “the other” as “the friend.” As I head into the great unknown, with the intention of being open to possibilities, I have asked myself what lessons I have learned from the law and yoga that will help.


As a yogi, I have learned to embrace community, to understand that my body is a teacher, and I can ask it what I need on the outside as well as on the inside. I have learned new ways of acting internally and externally from the yamas and niyamas, and I have learned to be comfortable (sometimes) with “just” sitting.


As a lawyer, I have learned that this phenomenal realm, “reality” or “the real world,” as some would call it, requires action of a different sense. While the legal system is flawed, and the catalyst for my going abroad to learn about a better system, it can only be changed by rolling up the shirt sleeves on the inside - as a lawyer. Lawyering is one type of community; the law is a community, a social contract, shall we say. And it follows its rules, but the people we are on the inside determine how we interact in the outside communities.


So this coming year is about combining all of that together, bringing together the understanding that there is no way we can do this alone, that we must interact with each other, learn from one another, and support one another, and then bringing back what is learned to create a better system here, through the grunt work of being a lawyer. But my first boss said it best, “of course yoga and the law are similar - they both strive for truth.” This year is all about finding that truth, from community to children’s representation in court. What I have learned over the year (slightly more, but not much) of writing this blog, is that we need the tools from both to make the biggest changes in our own lives and in the systems in which we interact. Our internal reflections give us the strength and insight to make the external changes, on any level.


Thank you for being part of this community with me. Here’s to a year full of possibilities!


Namaste and Blessings!


© 2011 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved

Intention for a New Year

2011 is almost here, and it is time to reflect on what I want to do to focus on the New Year. Many people set New Year’s Resolutions, e.g., “I resolve to lose 10 pounds,” or “I resolve to finally organize the photos.” I read a blog, which I cannot find right now, that talked about Intentions rather than Resolutions. I like that notion, and I also think it is what best connects lawyers and yogis.

Yoga is about intention, called a sankalpa in sanskrit. Although we do not often think about it in that way, being a lawyer is also about intention. I remember more than one oral argument where the first question the judges asked was, “so, what exactly do you want us to do if we agree with you?” Lawyers often forget to provide the intention of their argument, their underlying goal. One of the first lessons I learned in law school was to know what I want and to make sure I ask for it. That’s intention; that’s sankalpa.

But what is the difference between a sankalpa and a New Year’s Resolution? The resolution is one thing you want changed. An intention goes deeper. It can permeate your entire life, as opposed to being just one “thing” you want to change. (I had an English teacher once who berated us for using the word thing; I almost never use it, but here it appears appropriate because, but I have to point out how difficult it is for me to write, especially the irony of my writing it in a post about intention and resolutions.) 

When I was writing about the yamas and niyamas, I talked about santosha, or contentment, and concluded that contentment is a state of being, not a state of mind. An intention vs. a resolution is similar - an intention is a state of being, while a resolution is one piece of that, a state of mind or one action to take. 

I have written a lot about my upcoming trip to New Zealand to study family law. So much about this adventure is scary to me - living with people, being uprooted, not finding the right food, not having a yoga community, etc. So, my intention for the year is to be open to these new adventures and possibilities. From the law to yoga, life requires flexibility. I remember the very first time I traveled alone. I was in Munich, and I was staying at a hostel alone. I was scared to death. Two years later, I traveled to the south of Belgium to find the city where my grandfather was during WWII. Now I only like to travel alone. We grow and change along this adventure we call life, but in order to do that, we must be willing to meet our fears and be open to the possibilities that the universe provides.

Law school brought new life to my Type A personality. Yoga Teacher Training was just part of a new “routine.” But another word for routine is rut, which is definitely where I do not want to get stuck. Many judges love hiring law clerks fresh from law school because they like the new perspective. We may trip over our metaphorical feet from time to time, but we also bring a new perspective to their view of the law. Although routine is safe, it can limit our full potential, in any area of our lives. This year, therefore, as my entire routine is uprooted and sent to the other side of the world, I intend to grow from the experience and stay open to all the possibilities it brings.

I have no idea how any of this will turn out. I bought a Lonely Planet Guide for New Zealand today, but short of that, I do not even know where I am living five days after arriving in the country. It is incredibly scary, but also incredibly exciting. Thank you all for sharing this journey with me and with each other. 

Many blessings this New Year. What is your sankalpa? What do you want to bring to your life in 2011? 

Namaste!

© 2010 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved

Shifting ideas into reality

The Reverb10 prompts continue to be about my life in so many ways. Today’s prompt states, “Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?”

The class I just finished asked this very same question - what are you next action items to make your aspirations a reality? With respect to my aspirations regarding Is Yoga Legal?, I have recently created a webpage (link soon), and my next step is to make it useful to the public. Within the next month, the website will be full of articles about yoga and professionals, about the benefits yoga and meditation can provide to professionals, and explanations of postures you can use at your desk to make your workday work for you. Also, I hope to create a Q and A page where we can begin to create a community together, asking the questions we all share, and providing answers to one another. If you have ideas on how to make such a page useful to you, please send them my way.

My other action item, in the representation of children in legal proceedings area of my life, is to go to New Zealand. I have mentioned this several times on this blog, so now is as good a time as any to explain what I plan to do there. I will be studying the New Zealand Family Law System. Unlike most courts in the United States, all children in New Zealand have an attorney in any case in which they are affected, such as divorce, child welfare, and delinquency. I will be writing a thesis on children’s representation, and hopefully coming back to the United States armed with the information and tools to implement better systems here.

But what about combining yoga and the law? One of my goals, having little to do with New Zealand, is to help shift the paradigm of thinking that we encounter in the legal system. While many people do their best to help children, often they are coming from old ways of thinking, ways that do not work in this ever-expanding world of energy and consciousness. What if we lived in a world where compassion were the starting point? What if we lived in a world where we did not judge individuals by individual acts? What if we lived in a world where children had a voice because they are people? What if?

Yes, these are aspirations for which I have no physical action steps today, but asking the questions, opening the universe to such possibilities is the first step. After all, two years ago, I told a judge in New Zealand that I wanted to go to his country to study, and my apartment in shambles is proof that I am leaving soon. Sometimes the most important action step is just being willing to see the possibility.

What are your aspirations? How can we best connect as a community?

Namaste and Blessings!

© 2010 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved

Why Yoga?

This blog is about yoga and professionals, about yoga and lawyers. But why yoga? What is so special about yoga? For the physical benefits, could we not just do stretching and walk? How is a yoga breath different than a regular breath? Is yoga a religion? These are questions I hear often, and of course they are valid. And the answer is much simpler than even I would have once imagined. 

Intention.

Yup, just one word. Yoga is about bringing intention to our movements, our breath, and our actions. Many yoga classes, in my opinion the best ones, begin by setting an intention. The intention can be anything, from a desire to be more flexible, to a desire to have the strength to traverse difficult life events. But setting the intention sets the yoga practice apart from stretching and other forms of exercise. It is what we learn from setting this intention that allows us to take yoga off the mat. 

I do not like that phrase, "taking yoga off the mat." It automatically assumes that doing yoga anywhere, whether asana or pranayama or following the yamas and niyamas, is out of the ordinary. But if we start from the notion that yoga is about intention, it begins in our lives, and the mat is nothing more than a space where we are less likely to slip, literally and figuratively. As it is oft-noted, yoga is much easier in an ashram than it is on the streets of Phoenix or in a courtroom. 

But we can bring our intentions to every aspect of our lives, and we can bring our mats to any location. Today was a big day for me; it was the first time that I taught yoga to professionals in a meeting room. We moved a table, set up some mats, and did a practice. Even though most of us were on mats, it was not a traditional place for yoga. Nope, the rest of the day that room was filled with discussions about family law. But for 60 minutes, the intention was different. At the risk of stating the obvious, this was not a traditional yoga physicality, it was bringing yoga into the world, which we usually explain by taking yoga off the mat, but instead we used our mats in a new environment. I did not start this blog to write a blog; I started this blog to start a discussion about how yoga can help professionals, especially those in the legal field, but certainly not limited to them. Today's class was the first expression of that intention. 

What does intention mean to our everyday lives? Well, everything. We can bring intention to brushing our teeth the same way we can bring it to a legal argument, the same way we can bring it to an asana practice. When we start exploring our intention for our actions, we are forced to examine whether they are serving us or not. We are able to stop, even momentarily, and think. That is a luxury in this information-laden, nonstop culture. Where 140-character twitter updates dominate our lives, we can throw out random thoughts with little thought of their consequences. It is easy not to take people seriously with nonstop information.

I find, however, that when I bring intention to my actions and my words, people respond with more respect and understanding, even if we disagree. And I personally think it is because the people with whom we interact recognize our intention as a sign of respect. It is worth your time to stop and think before just shoving more information at them for no reason. Intention permeates our being and becomes a deep aspect of who we are. Intention to treat the opposing litigants with respect and dignity goes far in the law, and can often lead to agreements. Not always, I realize that. We cannot control how others react and/or respond to our actions. But we can control our intentions. And far more than the specific actions we take, our intentions shine through. They are reflected in the non-verbal aspects of our communication where most of our communication occurs.

And yes, we can learn this intention on the yoga mat. And yes, we can take it off the mat. But why draw the line? Each moment of our lives is deserving of intention, whatever that intention is, mat or no mat, yoga studio or conference center. When our intentions are pure (meaning not diluted, not pure vs. bad in some way), we tend to receive that which we need in life, whether it is a deeper forward fold or a trip to New Zealand. This idea of intention is, for me, what sets yoga apart from all other experiences and what allows it to be so useful in our daily lives. Because we can bring intention to every moment, we can do yoga at any moment. Intention is not about what religion you practice or how flexible you are; it is about living each moment with a purpose.

Namaste and Blessings!