A Future for Others

Today is my 30^th birthday.

Generally speaking, I give no thought to birthdays. I have nothing against them, nor do I particularly care about having a special day. They are, however, a good time to stop and reflect about where we are in life, a time we have to reflect personally rather than big changes we share with others, e.g., graduations, new jobs, etc. Additionally, there are several reasons why this birthday stands out for me. 

First, I am one of the few people I know who is excited to turn 30. I think I was ready to be 30 when I was about 10, so I finally feel my age. It is also happening as I begin a new job and the first one that could be a career if I wanted it to be. It is also a decade birthday, in which we tend to think back on the past decade and reflect. 

My first thought upon reflection was, “what happened to a decade?!?!?!” After getting over the initial shock of realizing that it was ten years ago, not ten weeks ago, that I was living in a dorm at the University of Michigan, I have had some time to really think about what I have done this past decade and what I hope to do over the next one.

Briefly, my twenties went as follows: college, during which I studied abroad in France; teaching English in France; law school; learning to do yoga; working at the Pima County Superior Court; working at the Arizona Court of Appeals; becoming a yoga teacher; and getting an LLM in New Zealand. Of course there are other things, but those are the big highlights. I am struck by two things based upon that list: 1) I have been incredibly blessed, and 2) I have been fairly focused on myself.

Our society has a negative view of focusing too much on yourself. People who focus only on themselves can be seen as selfish and egotistical. One of the most difficult lessons, therefore, for me to learn from yoga was that we must take care of ourselves before we can be of service to others. We must feel secure in our own skins before trying to exist in this world, and we need to fill our own reserves, or we will have nothing left to offer others. As someone once said to me, "the heart pumps blood to itself first."

It was a difficult lesson to learn, but there is no question that I have spent a decade doing just that. All my travels, combined with the yoga, have taught me so much about who I am, what I value, and how I want to move forward. At times I felt too selfish, but deep down I knew I was preparing for something bigger and better. Interestingly, I ended up just where everyone seemed to think I would end up, but now I know I have done it on purpose rather than because someone said I should.

But what does this mean for the next ten years? It means that it is time to turn my focus to the external. This does not mean I plan to stop meditating, practicing, or even traveling; in fact those remain necessary for this next step. But it also means that it is time to use those reserves and all that information for the world. To be totally honest, I am a bit embarrassed by the list of my twenties. I feel like I could have done so much more for other people. But I also know that I can sit with people who have had to call the police on their own children or with drug addicts who have neglected their own children and feel sympathy and compassion without feeling like I have to run for my life. Some days are, of course, easier than others, but hopefully my ten years of selfish can lead to a decade of paying it forward.

And so I make this pledge in public. We all know that the best way to fulfill a promise is to ensure you are held accountable, and the best way to do that is to make it public.

Thirty seems so young and so quick, but also like a turning point. I have been incredibly blessed and have learned many lessons along the way. I know that going forward there will be days I choose myself over others, but I pledge to do it consciously and do it in order to ensure that I can be at my best when others need me. Perhaps this is one of the best ways yoga and the law intersect. It is through yoga that we strengthen our reserves to be of service to our clients and the world. 

Thank you all for sharing this journey with me, for supporting me, and for holding me accountable. I hope this blog can be a piece of my living for others. I hope it provides you with some insights and ideas about yourselves and the world in which we live, and most especially about how to take the time for yourself to be at your best at all times. Many thanks, and hopefully many more celebrations together.

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2012, all rights reserved.

Following A Dream

I wanted to write this post yesterday, to coincide with Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, but as this post will explain, my life has been a bit hectic, and posting has been put on the side a bit. We all know about MLK’s dream, and yesterday on facebook, I saw this (more than once): A fitting tribute to Dr. King: "Last week we saw a white Catholic male Republican judge murdered on his way to greet a Democratic Jewish woman member of Congress, who was his friend. Her life was saved initially by a 20-year-old Mexican-American gay college student, and eventually by a Korean American combat surgeon, and this all was eulogized by our African American President." We are nowhere near perfect (lest we not forget that this included the death of 6 people, and many others shot), but it is a fitting example that dreams can come true.

When I was 16, I was a camp counselor, and my father was a child custody evaluator (he still is). He used to tell me about children of divorce in court; they have no voice, and the judge need not consider their wishes at all (though even then, there were many who did). Working with children, I knew that they were a lot more together than we adults often give them credit for being. At 16, I also thought that children should have a lot of say in their lives. As years went on, this became my defining mantra, and I went to law school to give children a voice in the legal process. Interestingly, I never wanted to be a lawyer in the traditional sense of the word; in fact, I was not even sure what lawyers do, other than in the family law realm. While that has since changed, my initial dream has not been diminished.

As I have mentioned before, this year I am heading to New Zealand (actually tomorrow) to study their family courts. In New Zealand, every child whose parents are divorcing gets a lawyer, every child in a child welfare case gets a lawyer, and every child in the criminal justice system gets a lawyer. Their courts are committed to listening to children. When I heard that, I knew I had to go. The pieces started to fall into place, and when I get on that plane tomorrow, I know it will be to fulfill a dream more than a decade old.

People keep asking me what I will do when I get back. This is a very lawyer question. We need to have a plan. We need to know what is coming not just tomorrow, but next year, in five years, in ten years. We do not do well with insecurity. Although my yoga practice has been thrown for a loop since I moved out of my apartment on December 30, yoga still guides my actions when I stop and reflect, and yoga has taught me that I need not know exactly where I will be when I get back. I trust the universe. It has never failed me yet.

Martin Luther King, Jr. did not know what physical manifestation his dream would encourage. He was probably not thinking about gay Mexican-Americans, but the spirit of his dream lives on when we ignore all that makes us “different” and understand all that makes us human. I cannot, in any way, compare myself to Martin Luther King Jr., but I can say that, like him, I have no idea how my dream will manifest. I do not know what will happen upon my return in a year, but I know that children will be better represented the more information that gets out there, and I know that I have to write a long thesis.

This blog will not go away. Yoga and the law follow me everywhere now, and I will be getting my LLM (Master’s of Law) while I am over there. I have already found the yoga studios where I will be. I am positive that New Zealand will be full of wonderful fodder for this blog. But here is my pledge and intention because if I make it public, I must follow it:

I pledge to live up to the expectations of my 16-year-old self, to learn all I can about how best to provide for children in the legal system, and to come back here ready to use that knowledge to help. I further pledge to utilize what yoga has taught me because if I have learned anything since entering law school over 5 years ago, it is that the current model is not sustainable and until we start to treat each other, and all participants in the legal system, better, the system will continue to fail.

See you “down under!”

Namaste and Blessings!

© 2011 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved