The Power of Positivity

Indulge me for a moment, and read the next three bullet points individually without looking ahead until you have absorbed what they say. I will meet you below them.

• Don’t picture a pink elephant! 
• Don’t think about an orange!
• Don’t imagine your next vacation!

Were you able to do it? My guess is that most people reading this pictured all three – the pink elephant, the orange, and the vacation (where are you planning to go?). Essentially, the brain thinks about what is before it, and in this case, that is a pink elephant, an orange, and a vacation. It does not necessarily process the “don’t” until after it has thought about the subject.

In some circles, people say the brain cannot process negatives, but that is not exactly what is happening. What is really happening is that the brain is processing everything, and the subject gains a moment of time in the overworked brain before the brain realizes that it is not supposed to be thinking about it. What I am really trying to say is that we give power to any subject just by thinking about it, whether we think about it in “good” or “bad” terms.

So why do I bring this up? I read a lot of blogs. I read a lot of blogs about lawyers and several blogs about ex-lawyers. These are people who have left the profession because of its toxicity and offer their ideas for the rest of us to get out. I have mentioned this before, stating, “But I likemy job!” I think these blogs offer a great service to many people struggling in the day-to-day rat race that is the legal profession, but so often when I read them, I cannot get past the first sentence.

Why? They start with negativity. They start with everything that is wrong about the profession. And yes, I realize I am participating in that negativity by commenting on it in this way. But the point is that their underlying message is awesome – “take care of yourself before the legal profession kills you!” Another common theme is “follow your heart.” But that message is buried under a mountain, sometimes a large mountain, of everything wrong with the legal profession.

Thus, the negativity has power. We imagine the negativity as we read. And imagining it brings it into our being. It permeates us whether we experience it ourselves or read about others. That’s empathy.

I’m bringing this up now because I see the same theme in the Occupy movement here in Dunedin, New Zealand. I really want to support them, even if I may not agree with everything they are saying, I see the global Occupy movement as an awakening, a bringing together of people from all walks of life who are standing up for what they believe. That’s awesome! But the biggest sign here in Dunedin is “Smash Corporate Greed.” Every time I see it, which is at least twice per day, I feel like I’m being punched in the gut, and that is only partly because I see the difference between Starbucks and Wal-Mart – both corporations, but with vastly different influences on the world.

The real punch in the gut comes from the negativity. There is a growing, but still small, movement online called “Occupy Your Heart.” Obviously this has been a theme for me this week. But I originally heard about it from the Dunedin Yoga Studio owner, and then I searched for it online.

The movement is not against anything, it is for opening the heart space, something we desperately need in this world. But it has no focus about what it is against – just about tuning into what really matters and “wrappingyour heart around it.” It gives power to the heart rather than power to negativity and all the things it is against and anti.

People are still going to have awful days at law offices. It is still important to point out the inequalities that exist in the world. But would you rather give power to the negative or power to the positive? I know which one I am going to try to choose, over and over again. If we give power to the positive, that power will spread. Are you in?

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2011, all rights reserved.

Finding the Residue

“But once you begin to observe and pay attention and be brought into the present, it is profoundly powerful. It almost doesn’t matter what does that for you, yoga or something else. The techniques, the asanas, are not the yoga. The residue that the techniques leave is the yoga. When we begin to look deeply at our speech, our posture, our breath, our thoughts, our choices, or our values, and observe those with compassion and a certain distance, we are changed forever.” – Judith Hanson Lasater

This quote comes from an interview Judith Hanson Lasater did on YogaDork the other day, in two parts (here and here). I have always liked her style, and the interview is very interesting, though focused on what it means to be a yoga teacher today. Thus, it may not speak to many people who are not yoga teachers.

Her point in this quote, however, is vital to lawyers and other professionals. If you read this blog often, you know how important I think it is to tune into the breath, to stop for a moment, and breathe. Personally, I believe it is the #1 stress management technique we have at our disposal, if for no other reason than the fact that we can do it anywhere and at anytime. We always have our breath, and it does not take years of practice to learn to breathe. It is both the first and last individual action we take.

The breath is also the quickest way to bring us into the present. Researching and writing legal memoranda, phone calls to clients, and answering emails are all ways to think about the past and prepare for the future. Unlike focusing on the breath, these tasks of everyday life take us out of the present. Yoga, by contrast, through asanas and breath awareness, bring us back to the present. As Lasater points out, yoga is not the only tool for this; I know plenty of people who run and swim for similar reasons.

But so what? Why should we care if we are always somewhere other than the present? Why should we care if our minds are running in a million different directions?

There are many, many reasons, but I like where Lasater takes her answer. Yoga, by bringing us into the present, helps bring us a healthy distance from those thoughts. We can look at them and recognize they do not define our being; instead they are simply thoughts. Like a good lawyer who is asked to look upon a case dispassionately, focusing only on the relevant facts for the case, when we come into the present through the breath or asanas, we can look upon our thoughts going by in hyperspeed for what they are: thoughts going by in hyperspeed.

From that place of distance, ironically we find compassion. We can see these thoughts as what our mind does to stay busy. We can recognize when we get lost in the same story over and over again, and let that story go. We can recognize when other people get stuck in their stories over and over again, and we can find compassion for other peoples’ stories, even if we disagree with them.

In today’s political climate, with protests spreading around the world (yes, there was even an Occupy event here in the small town where I am living in New Zealand), more and more people are turning to their stories, whatever they are. I have watched some great yogis and Buddhists speak at these protests (here, here, and here), and their message is always the same – it is not about deciding what you are against; it is deciding what you are for!

Seane Corn, a yogi, asked people to be FOR unity and love. Robert Thurman, a Buddhist, asked the protestors to have compassion and sympathy for the bankers. Marianne Williamson, an author, asked people to keep it smart, nonviolent, and growing. But my point here is not about the protests and what they should be. The point is that it is through awareness of our breath and our asana practice that we can find the ability to have compassion for others, even the ones we are “supposed to hate.”

For lawyers, this means seeing the “other side” not as an enemy and a battle to be fought and won, but as a person with a story, a mind on hyperspeed, just like each of us. For all of us, this means seeing people with whom we disagree as human beings, worthy of our compassion. It does not mean we never get annoyed with others (just drive with me if you want to see someone get annoyed too fast). But it does mean that when we catch ourselves in that moment of annoyance, and perhaps hate and vitriol, that we stop and remember to look dispassionately and then with compassion.

The residual benefits of yoga, therefore, become the most important. What do you do to stop yourself from going down the path of vitriol? Can you find compassion for your own thoughts? For others?

Namaste!

© Rebecca Stahl 2011, all rights reserved.

Being Careful with Words

I love words. I am really only starting to understand this phenomenon in my life, but I love them. Perhaps it stems from reading and writing about philosophy in my 6^th grade research project. Perhaps it stems from learning French and majoring in Comparative Literature and French and living in France two different times. Perhaps it stems from living in a house with 6 people, 3 of whom were either linguists or closely related and another one whose vocabulary rivals the Oxford English Dictionary. Perhaps it is even why I went to law school and probably why I blog. Yes, words are important in my life.

The more I realize how important words are, the more I realize how careful we must be with them. While the exact percentage changes every time I see it, there is no question that the vast majority of our communication remains non-verbal. So as wonderful as words are, they are never the entire story. Thus, words on a page can be misinterpreted. They can be read with a tone not intended by the writer. This is part of the phenomenon that leads to the Downward Spiral of Email.

But there is another problem with words. We assume that they have one meaning, when in reality they can have different meanings in different languages, but sometimes in the same language but across countries. When living in France, I expected this would be a problem. We spent some time learning about les faux amies – “false friends” – words that look the same between the languages but have very different meanings.

My favorite example is the English word preservatives. While in English, this is something that is put into our “food,” in French, the word “preservatif” is the word for condom. This creates a slight problem for American students who head to France and inform their French host families and friends that they love France because there are no “preservatifs” in the food. You can imagine the look of surprise. Luckily, we were forewarned, so I did not make that mistake – came close at least once though.

I knew there were differences between English around the globe as well. When teaching in France, a French student once asked an English woman and me if we spoke the same language, and we just laughed. Examples? I learned not to tell her that I was pissed when I was around children, but to say pissed off (not at the children, do not worry, but at a situation in which I found myself where children were also present). I also learned that pants means something different, and I should use the word trousers when stating that they can be worn more than once. And to stay on the French topic, the one word I would not teach the French children was rubber, the Commonwealth word for what those in the United States would call an eraser. Are you noticing a theme to these words?

But I thought I knew them all when I came here to New Zealand. I thought I would be able to communicate effectively. Before arriving in the country, however, a friend who had spent substantial time in Australia warned me that you do not root for teams on this side of the Pacific – rooting has a very different meaning.

What does this look at words have to do with law? With yoga? I hope it is a reminder that we cannot just assume that people understand us. We cannot assume that what we think others are communicating is really what they mean. Yes, it is much quicker and easier to assume that our interpretation is correct and that others will somehow magically understand us, but that is not how the world works.  Unfortunately, the modern world requires us to move faster and faster, taking less time to ask questions, less time to clarify, and less time to actually have the face-to-face interactions that help minimize (though not eradicate) miscommunications.

Yoga off the mat means reflecting on these issues. While there are sometimes humorous interactions, believe me, there are also disastrous ones. Miscommunications become misunderstandings, which become downward spirals, which become intense dislike. But a few moments of awareness and clarification can help alleviate this problem. A few moments of yoga off the mat can ensure that we are communicating as well as we can and not gaining the essence of words rather than a knee-jerk reaction and assumption to what is happening around us.

Where have you most noticed miscommunication in your life? How have you tried to alleviate it?

Namaste!

© 2011 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved

Frost in June?

I have written before about patterns and samskaras and about the differences about living on the underside of the Earth. I am pleased to report that I have learned to look right before crossing the street, and I almost always walk on the left side of the sidewalk. I would like to say that I am adapting fairly well, and to be honest, I worked hard at both of these upon arrival. I wanted to overcome the neural connections and create new neural pathways.

But there seems to be one difference to which my subconscious simply has not yet adapted. The seasons. On the spring/autumn equinox, I mentioned how weird it was that most of the world is celebrating moving into spring, as we are celebrating moving into Autumn. I thought I got it. I thought it was inside of me, but time and time again it catches me off guard. The first time I noticed it was when I started reading all the graduation speeches, and my gut reaction was, “but it’s fall, how are people graduating?”

Then this morning, on my walk down a very steep hill, I almost slipped . . . on frost. Yes, there is frost in June. There is nothing odd about frost in late autumn, but in my worldview, there is something that is strange about frost in June. I am starting to realize this samskara is deeper than I thought.

Then I realized that it is okay.

This is not the only brick wall I seem to have hit here. For the first time in five years, I have a flatmate (of course, in my prior life, this person would have been referred to as a housemate or roommate). I was not looking forward to sharing space with someone when I moved here, but I knew I would be able to do it. I was adamant, however, that I did not want to share groceries. This may seem odd to many people; I have a friend who tells me how much she wishes her housemates would share groceries, at least some of them. It may seem silly and a bit juvenile, and I can share the house and adapt to her cleaning schedule, but my food and cooking are personal and mean a lot to me, so I drew the line there.

Yoga teaches us to find our edge, but to not exceed it until we can do so safely. We also can learn that some bodies simply are not designed to move in particular ways, and the edge may take years to move, or it may never get surpassed. Generally, though with breath and time, our edge moves. We gain flexibility and strength, not only on the mat, but also in our lives. We learn that we can handle it better when the boss yells or the clients call complaining or there is an emergency hearing scheduled for the next day. We learn that the breath and time provide us the tools to move beyond our edge safely and effectively.

And then sometimes we cannot. That is okay . . . with a caveat.

My friend made a good point to me when we were discussing the groceries issue. She said, “part of being on a Fulbright is testing your boundaries.” Of course, our mutual friend in Kenya on her Fulbright is probably testing her boundaries a bit more than I am here in New Zealand, but the point is that my friend is right; expanding your horizons really is part of being on a Fulbright. So, does this mean that I am going to start sharing my groceries?

Not this week. Instead, I realized that I am already so far outside of my comfort zone by living with someone again, by having to look right, and by looking up to see a constellation that does not exist in the northern hemisphere, that my food, my comfort, needs to be mine.

Part of why I prefer not to share groceries is because I eat a bit differently than other people, and I worry that others will not like what I eat. So, I prefer to cook myself. But I took a first step – I made dinner for my flatmate and a friend one night. That dinner went well. It is a nice first step, but it was just that, a first step. I have not evolved into a grocery-sharing, flat dinners sort of person. At least not yet.

So why do I share all of this? Is it just so you think that you can know about my weird habits? No. The point is that recognizing we each have our limits is important, but so is recognizing that part of what keeps us from getting trapped and controlled by those limits is consciously choosing how to respond to those limits. Recognition is great, but then what do you do once you know? Do you want to stay there forever?

First, ask yourself why it is a limit. What is holding you back from moving past it? Be conscious about the reason. On the mat, this might be simple – you need to engage your core. Off the mat, it might take some more introspection. Second, ask whether it is supporting you or hindering you? Is it truly something you need at this moment, or is it something getting in the way of your growth? Third, if it is in the way, ask yourself if you are ready to move past it now. Even if you know you want to move beyond it, today might not be the right day. There may be other issues you need to address first. If not today, what you might need to do to make yourself ready? When might you be ready? Next week? Next month? Next year?

Then keep breathing. When you are ready, the breath will guide you to the next step of working through the samskara.

But most importantly, we have to recognize that just because we have our edge, our limits, and sometimes our brick walls, does not mean that our way is right and those who think otherwise are necessarily wrong. It may make for a difficult living situation, but it is not because either party is doing something bad or trying to hurt the other person. Instead, when we recognize that we have our edges and limits, it is vital that we recognize that others do as well.  Someone else might be struggling just as much as you are.

This means consciousness. It means consciously deciding whether we need our limits to keep us in some semblance of safety or if we can let them go and grow some more. Most importantly, the point is to see our patterns for what they are and to work with them without judging – not judging ourselves or others.

You never know, one day you might just wake up and find that frost in June is normal.

What are your limits? Do you consciously decide whether to hold them or let go of them?

Namaste! 

© 2011 Rebecca Stahl, all rights reserved