The other day I was in a vicarious trauma workshop. I have
not discussed this topic in quite some time, but I have been thinking about it
almost nonstop. This seems like the perfect time to bring it up again. The
presenter gave us an option to ask some questions / make some comments at the
beginning. Someone said she had been talking to a colleague who said, “This
work is amazing because it allows us to face our powerlessness every single
day.”
Wow . . . just stop and think about that. Facing our
powerlessness is a gift, not a problem.
Lawyers are not very good at dealing with being powerless.
We face crises, but we also like to fix them. We like to have problems and find
solutions. My guess is that doctors are similar. Actually, most people I know
feel that way. Feeling powerless is difficult.
But the truth is that sometimes we are powerless, especially
when it comes to other people. And how we respond to that is something profound
for each and every one of us. There are some things in the world we cannot
change. And one of the most important of those to realize is that we cannot
change the people sitting right in front of us.
People deal with this in all sorts of relationships in life
– romantic, family, friends, co-workers, etc. We can try to influence people
and situations, but at the end of the day, we cannot change them. We cannot
make situations different than they are. But how can we see that as a blessing
and not a curse?
A lot of spiritual traditions, including the more
spiritual/philosophical side of yoga, teach that our greatest teachers are
those people who are most difficult for us to be around. Our greatest lessons
come from that which is most difficult for us. Powerlessness may be at the top
of that list, particularly in this “do” culture.
But even though we may be powerless to change an entire
situation, we may be able to be a party in it. For example, we can simply offer
compassionate listening. We can let people know we care enough to hear their
stories. We can offer suggestions and not get caught up in whether people heed
our suggestions. It is, after all, their choice in the matter.
And then we can accept their choices. That may be the
hardest part. Even though our culture is one where we hope to be able to change
circumstances and do something, more
often than not, we are simply powerless. And we learn over and over again to
accept that sense of powerlessness.
So, why did this come up in a vicarious trauma workshop?
Well, it was not actually from the instructor, but it fit perfectly. People in
helping professions have to face trauma on a daily basis. And powerlessness in
the face of that trauma is sometimes the most difficult. If we could make the
trauma better, perhaps it would not cause so much damage to the healing
professionals. But when we cannot do anything about it, that trauma comes into
our lives more and more.
But the gift is that it forces us to always be vigilant
about taking care of ourselves. And the irony, or the greater gift perhaps, is
that the more we take care of ourselves, the more we can help others. Only now,
with the gift of facing our powerlessness every single day, we are able to move
forward when our attempts to help go unheeded.
This post is not to make it sound easy. While facing our
powerlessness is certainly a gift, it may also be the most difficult aspect of
our work, both professionally and personally. It can be frustrating and
overwhelming at times, probably even most of the time. But the more we can come
back to noticing that we are powerless despite our best efforts, the more we
can let go of outcomes and focus instead on simply offering the best version of
ourselves day in and day out. And really, that is all we can ever ask of ourselves
in life generally.
How do you have to face your own powerlessness?
Namaste!
©
Rebecca Stahl 2013, all rights reserved.
The
post, “Facing Our Powerlessness” first appeared on Is Yoga Legal.
